Live your love.

Life is Beautiful...

2011-11-23T22:40:00.000-08:00

I recently heard this quote, and it really rang true for me:

Life is beautiful not because of the things we see or do, it is beautiful because of the people we meet.

I got to babysit my nephew and play with him at Gymboree!

Sweet college friends, celebrating John's birthday!

My roommates on Halloween

My roommates took a road trip to Albuquerque for the Hot Air Balloon Festival

Closest friends from high school help my nephew celebrate his first birthday!

I constantly encounter people on a daily basis with my job. I am blessed by the kids I get to work with and my colleagues. There are so many people in this world that really want the best for kids and people, and I need to remember that. Those people make life beautiful.
I recently started volunteering with a group of woman who are refugees from Somalia. They have taught me more about culture, overcoming adversity, and beauty more than I could ever teach them.
I have been energized by conversations with really good friends and my roommates. I am so blessed to have friends that I can live life with. I have friends that listen, dialogue, hug, pray, laugh, and share meals with.
I had the opportunity to travel with 6 of my close friends for a girls weekend in Seattle. It was so nice to get away for the weekend and see such beautiful landscape- but also share it with such great friends!
I worked my other job with older adults last week. I got to work with man who had a stroke, and was having difficulty writing due to right sided weakness from his stroke. I was able to make him a pen with a built up handle to make it easier to write for him. He looked at me, and said "You really helped me today! Thank you so much." He made my day/week/month by saying that. I need to be reminded why I do what I do more often.
A good friend of mine has recently befriended a blind man. Hearing her stories and how much her friend has overcome has been amazing. It reminds me of how much I take for granted everyday. People who have overcome such obstacles, and still stay strong and positive are so inspiring!

Girls trip to Seattle with some of my closest pals

I get the whole week of Thanksgiving off of work, and so I have been able to spend time with family, my sweet nephew, and some good childhood friends. I am so blessed by these relationships because these people have known me so long, and we have such roots and loyalty to each other.

Let it Shine

2011-10-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson (later said by Nelson Mandela)

Season of life

2011-09-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I had a day of catching up on me. I'm realizing how hard it is to be still and reflect on the past few months of life. Our society keeps us moving... interacting.. and gives us endless opportunities that I find myself wanting to take part in. But it seems like when we do have a chance to stop.. breathe.. think... is when all that hard stuff comes up- the stuff we've been neglecting because it's just easier to go on living our busy lives sometimes.
After trying to process through the past few months of my life, I am quickly reminded how life is actually not about me at all. I am energized by the lives of the people I get to live life with. Recently, I've gotten to share great celebrations with these people like passing an exam, having a birthday, getting a new job, getting married, having an anniversary, living in the same house for a year, etc. All these events have given me great joy because it gives us an excuse to get together, catch up, share stories, be real. It also gives us reasons to feel blessed and loved and happy. I am realizing the importance of having people in my life to share these moments with. Life should be about celebrating all these things.. as little or big as they may seem.
And even though I tend to be an internal processor, I am thankful for people in my life to process through things with. This week, I was reminded of a quote by one of my roommates, that I really enjoy. The quote was brought up after discussing together many questions we have in life. Instead of being bogged down by unanswered questions, instead of struggling with the why's and how's of life, I think it's important to love the questions.. and live out those questions together.. with people who know you and love you well. So here it is:
"I would like to beg you, as well as I can, to have patience with
everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions
themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very
foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be
given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the
point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then,
some day far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing
it, live your way into the answers." ---Rainer Maria Rilke

So in this season of life that I'm in.. with the colors starting to change, and the weather starting to cool down, I hope that we can live the questions now with those we're living life with... and before we know it, another season will change, and our answers will gradually show up without us even noticing.

Ultimo semana en Peru

2011-08-04T18:40:00.001-07:00

With Erin, Jessye and Jill at Machu Picchu

My last day at the school with Nancy, Luz, two students, and a caregiver

With my precious host family

Out with Sandra & Maite, friends from Spain

Summit of Machu Picchu Mountain

With Simi on our Sacred Valley tour

This week I spent the majority of time being a tourist! I spent monday, tuesday and wednesday at the school. I feel like I have finally developed relationships with the students and the teachers there! I made a list in spanish (with a little help) of various fine motor activities that are culturally relevant and helpful for their students. On tuesday night, i went out with my spanish friends and got to try a pisco sour, which is the drink of peru and was quite delicious. On wednesday after working at the school, one of the teachers took me to experience a peruvian wedding. I sat through a traditional catholic mass in spanish at one of cusco's beautiful cathedrals. I even went to the reception for a bit and had tasty treats and drinks. At every table there was a bottle of rum, whiskey, champagne, and wine. I left at 10:30pm before the liquor was even opened! I met celeste (one of the directors of Manos Unidas) out to listen to some typical music from lima and go dancing for a bit. So many people were out to celebrate Dia de Peru, which was actually the following day. I spent my day off relaxing and doing my laundry. I also went out to a big lunch with my host family. My friends came on Friday morning and I took them on a walking city tour of cusco. On Saturday we continued the city tour in the morning and walked up to cristo blanco and sacsayhuaman in the afternoon. It was a difficult trek up for people who are not acclimated to cusco's altitude if 10,000+ ft, but they did great! On Sunday we did an all day tour of the sacred valley. We visited 3 different ruins, a market, and a demonstration of Incan culture. It was super informative and beautiful to see. Then on Monday we headed out in the first train to Aguascalientes so we can spend the day at machu picchu on Tuesday. This experience was really great to end my month in Peru on. There were definitely some frustrations and miscommunications with the whole tour which is very typical, but we did get an entire day in such a beautiful creation and I got to share it with friends. This experience was an entire metaphor on life and that it is certainly not easy and often will be injustice but if you look for it - there is so much beauty and there are so many people around you to share it with you!
I was able to return the school on my final day in cusco. The kids and teachers presented me with a gift and showered me with nice words. It was really good to get a little more time with them before I left. The smiles on the kids faces are truly a joy to see and I am continually encouraged by the compassion and dedication the teachers have for the kids. My sweet host mom took me out for lunch before I left and walked me to the airport and waited for me while I stood in line for an hour to check my bags. It was hard to say goodbye to her because she has very much been my family this month. She has been so patient with me as my Spanish has developed and was so hospitable to me in her home. These experiences always leave me feeling so incredibly blessed to have this opportunity and also to have been given so many comforts living in the USA. I leave with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people I have met in cusco and welcomed me with open arms as well as my friends who flew to another continent to travel and tour incan ruins with me.

tres semanas en Cusco

2011-07-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

The Therapy room at Manos Unidas

Asiya & I at Sacsayhuaman

Out with Maite & Asiya

3 of the students in the younger autism classroom at Camino Nuevo

At Wachuma reggae bar with Maite, Asiya, and Sandra

Universal cuffs I made for the classroom with children with Cerebral Palsy

Hola y buena tardes de Cusco. My time here has been very satisfying and interesting. Traveling alone really forces me to branch out and meet people and get to know people who are different from me. It´s been so encouraging and rewarding to meet people from all over the world with various different backgrounds, while learning the culture and getting to know many Cusquenians and Peruvians. I had to say goodbye to my volunteer buddy, Asiya last night. She is a physical therapist in Baltimore, Maryland. She taught me a new appreciation for Reggae music and was my travel buddy around Cusco. I´ve also been spending time with two girls from Spain who are doing a education psychology practicum at the school I am volunteering at. They are very patient with me and help me with my Spanish.. and it actually forces me to speak in Spanish if I want to converse with them! My Spanish is certainly getting better- but their seem to be misunderstandings everyday. I´m able to communicate a lot of what I need to, and I am understanding more and more.. but people sure do speak fast.. and I don´t always speak with the best grammar or pronunciation. This experience has certainly been good for my learning though. Above is a photo of my volunteer friends at Wachuma, a Reggae bar in Cusco.

This week, I had the opportunity to visit, help out, and consult at a public school in Cusco for children with disabilities. Kids with disabilities in Cusco are very much separated from their typical peers still. Inclusion is a new concept that they are beginning to adapt. The teachers were very welcoming, and many had questions for me about specific students. There doesn´t seem to quite enough help or teachers aides in the classrooms with the younger kids, so it seemed more like teachers were running around trying to do everything- while kids were getting into things they weren´t supposed to be. But they are providing a structure for them and free education. The children are also very much loved as well.

At Camino Nuevo, the school I am volunteering at, teachers are being trained and given tools constantly by the directors. It is always a work in progress though. In the past couple of weeks, they have had two meetings for parents to set up a support group for them and give them more training with their kids. It´s encouraging to hear that the parents are really taking this on, and using each other for support. It´s sure not easy being a parent of a child with a disability. I only have 3 more days at the school next week because it is Peru´s independence day next Thursday & Friday, so we get the days off. They like to celebrate everything here in Peru, which is fun! Below is a picture with some of the students with Cerebral Palsy with the teacher, and their caregivers and parents, as well as one of the volunteers from Spain. We were celebrating her birthday. I was able to make some universal cuffs for those kiddos this week with some of the donated supplies I brought to help them with writing, painting and drawing. I will add a picture of those later!

I am getting excited for my friends, Erin, Matt, Jessye, and Jill to come visit next Friday and go to Machu Picchu. I spent this weekend going to a couple of ruins and museums, but it will be great to do more when they get here! Cusco is certainly a beautiful place to visit.
Ciao friends and family! I am missing you guys and look forward to seeing everyone when I return in 10 days or so. I´m also looking forward to warm showers, being able to speak the same language as everyone, and water pressure :)!

Semana dos en Cusco

2011-07-16T17:57:00.001-07:00

My Dove dark chocolate wrapper told me this week: "you are exactly where you are supposed to be." I agree with this for right now because this experience has allowed me to share my resources and expertise while learning to speak Spanish and being out of my comfort Zone without some of the amenities I'm used to in the US. It has also forced me to have friendships and form bonds with people very different than me and often don't even speak my native language.
Today I had the opportunity to run a workshop for teachers on strategiEs
and activities in their classroom to help with fine motor development, sensory processing, and whole brain learning. They were very receptive and engaged and I so appreciated their time. Many of them are already doing well with the resources available. Last night at the school they held a meeting/ support group for the parents of the students. When you work with kids with disabilities, you don't just take on the kids, but you take on their families and all the baggage that might come with it. I'm seeing how important it is to address all the parts of the issue and the person. For example, alcoholism, poverty, and abuse are huge problems here and definitely play a role in disability. Therefore addressing those issues could help in further prevention and awareness of disability.
There are many needs to be addressed here.... And everywhere. And it encourages me to meet so many people involved in the cause.
I'm currently reading Henry Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" and in that book he encourages a newspaper journalist who is discontent in his job to quit his job to do the thing he loves.. Which was to write a novel, but the journalist replied he didn't have the time or money to do that. Henry Nouwen replied, "you are free to do what you want - if that is you really want it." My hope is that I can continue to seek out experiences and people that continue to give me perspective on life and help to create an awareness and love for all people. I recently finished the book The Help, and was also inspired by the women in the book who jeopardized her social status to create an awareness of the inequality and mistreatment of black Americans in the 1960s. It's hard for me to believe that such injustice was occurring in our country just 50 years ago. I am thankful for my teachers and parents teaching me to have intolerance for such racism, prejudices, and mistreatment.
Yesterday, I went on a community outing with a group of young adults at the school with disabilities. Part of the purpose of these outings are to teach the students some functional skills, while also exposing the community to people with disabilities. We went to a sports complex with playing fields and courts. The place was full of athletes and we engaged in some basketball and futbol of our own. When we were there, and even out walking out in the town .. And on the public bus, many people were staring. I'm not sure if it was because there was a group of young adults with disabilities or if it was because there was a white girl with a group of peruvians. I think it was most likely the first reason because peruvians are used to having tourists here all the time. Regardless, being around people with disabilities is still a new uncomfortable thing for a lot of people and by exposing them to the outside world, we are bettering society and allowing people to become more comfortable with these beautiful people.
Overall progress is happening here, and I am encouraged by it. I look forward to what this next week will bring.
Ciao!

Un semana en Cusco

2011-07-12T15:15:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe it's already been a week here in Cusco. I feel like there is still so much to learn and do during my month here! I'm really enjoying my host family. Margot is a single mom of two girls (4 & 17yrs) who is also a teacher at the school, Camino Nuevo, in which I am volunteering at. Camino Nuevo is the first private school for kids with special needs in cusco. I have spent the week observing all of the classrooms and helping out with their therapy. I've been taking notes and will be running a training for the teachers next Saturday on how to incorporate more OT strategies in their classes. It's kind of perfect because that is very similar to what I do in the US. The teachers are all really sweet and I had a chance to get to know them a little better on Thursday when we all went out for Lunch and cerveza to celebrate national teachers day. All i know is peruvians love to celebrate anything. My homestay is close to downtown where there has been music and events this week to celebrate 100 years of machu picchu. It's nice to have so much within walking distance. I did learn to take the bus and taxis by myself to get to the school which is a little further. My time here has certainly been busy thus far! With spending 8 hrs at the school with a 2 hr break in the middle of the day to go home for a big lunch, and orienting myself around.. While trying to speak Spanish and learn more- I'm definitely wiped out by the end of the day! Its a beautiful and neat town though with lots of history. It is colder than I thought without the sun at night it's about 30 degrees and the homes don't have heat, so I layer up to sleep! When the sun is shining during the day it's beautiful and perfect - but definitely cold when you're not in the sun! I'm finding that because of the cold weather the kids with physical disabilities tend to get sick more because they are spending too much time on their backs which could lead to pneumonia. More on my time with the kiddos later. I'm going to a town about an hour away tomorrow (Sunday) with some of the other volunteers and workers at the school to check out an artisan market. Overall my time here has been great so far, and I am looking forward to more to come!

My Incredible Grandpa who left a legacy

2011-02-27T17:05:00.000-08:00

My dear grandpa, Robert Beil, passed away Thursday, February 17, 2011, at the age of 80. Words cannot describe the joy this man brought to our family. He will be missed so very much. I started preparing a speech for my Grandparents' 60th wedding Anniversary that is next month, and since my grandpa's passing, have decided to tweak it a little bit for myself and my cousins to share at his memorial service. I decided to document it on this blog for a way to savor the memories and share with others how much my grandfather meant to me. This is a collaborated work with my 5 cousins.

Grandpa was a man who wore his emotions on his sleeves and wasn't ashamed of it - he was proud of it. He spoke his mind and was genuinely interested in hearing the opinions of those who spoke their minds as well. He cried. A lot. Mostly out of passion and a true abundance of love for his family. One of the first questions Cheryl asked after Grandpa's passing was, "Who's going to cry at all the prayers?" At any family dinner or gathering, Grandpa always lead us in prayer and his words were always centered around his love for his family and how he blessed he felt. There were so many things that made Grandpa such an admirable person. In celebration of his life, we've put together a Top 10 list of sorts - the things we'll most remember about Grandpa as we look back on his life and all the ways he has influenced us.

The top 10 things our Grandpa has taught us.........

10. It's 5 o'clock somewhere - Grandpa was an entertainer, and enjoyed cocktail hour at the Beil household. As long as we were all together, it was 5 o'clock somewhere.
9. Jokes get funnier when you repeat them -  I think this has been passed down to his kids too, but we'll often hear the same jokes over and over again when we all get together. An example would be "Do you think that green stuff in your nose is funny, well it's snot." He was also quite the magician. We could never figure out how that quarter got behind our ears! His jokes and his humor never got old!
8. Spend time outside, preferably by a pool - Some of our fondest memories were spent at Grandma & Grandpa's pool every year. He always played a mean game of water volleyball, and even played 3 games last Father's Day.  He loved soaking up the sun while visiting with family and friends.
7. How to drive with style - Grandpa always kept a clean car. I think the people at the carwash knew him personally. He always looked good driving his convertible too, and mastered the secret of how to drive a convertible without messing up his hair! There has always been a longstanding competition amongst the cousins about who would get the convertible when Gramps was ready to get rid of it.
6. Generosity - Grandpa really enjoyed taking us out to dinner or lunch. He really cherished the time we shared meals together, and was often stubborn and insisted on footing the bill.
5. Be cultured! Grandpa had really enjoyed good jazz music, art, and various Chicago architecture. He really enjoyed going to Jazz Vespers at church, and reading about Frank Lloyd Wright. He also loved getting to see some shows and musicals in the city.
4. Don't believe everything you hear. Grandpa taught us to be a skeptic and question things. He was always reading up on current events, and was quite a progressive thinker. The fact that he donated his body to science shows just how progressive he was.
3. Accept anyone no matter what! We've had the privilege of welcoming new people into our family through marriage. Our grandpa has always been so warm to anyone new coming into our family. He makes them feel welcome and treats them as they are part of his family.
2. Don't take yourself too seriously. Who else has a grandpa who willingly enters a hairiest chest contest on family cruise, sports a speedo and renames himself "Lance" for the duration of the trip? .
1. Always tell people how you feel about them. Even though he would tell us how proud he was of us each and every time he saw us, it never got old and always meant so much. We feel so blessed to have the grandfather that we did.  We've learned so much about how to live life abundantly through him. So Grandpa, now it's our turn to say "We are so proud of you and we love you. Thank you for everything you have taught us."

Enjoying this season of Winter

2011-02-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

Being in my LATE 20's, single without kids, and having a stable career for the past few years has allowed me to be able to afford some fun activities- and having friends to partake in these activities has been great! During Martin Luther King, JR day weekend in January, I had a chance to meet some old college friends and a high school friend in Utah for a ski trip. The snow wasn't great for skiing, but we got to ski some really fun runs, and I got to get used to my new (slightly used) skis that my friends got my for my birthday last year. The company was the best part. We laughed so hard we cried all 3 days. We shared meals together, drank good beer and boxed wine (ha), spent hours talking in the hot tub, and made ridiculous jokes. You can only really experience things like this with people you have history with. People you have known for awhile, spent lots of time together, and know you so well! Laughter and being surrounded with friends is just great medicine for the soul.

Augustana Swimmers reunite for a ski trip!

Love getting to spend time with my old friend Nick!

3rd year in a row that we've taken a ski trip together! Love this tradition with my best buddy from high school!

The ski group, which consisted of Notre friends, Augie buds, and BGHS friends who flew in from Chicago, Denver & DC

Getting to hang out with these characters was so fun!

And then a couple of weeks ago, I went on a snowshoeing trip with some great Denver friends. We could not have asked for BETTER weather. It was a GORGEOUS day. The sky was blue, the sun was out, and the snow was deep and fluffy! We snowshoed up Tennessee Pass in Leadville to a yurt, where we ate lunch at a cookhouse. We had so much fun playing the snow together. It was a 2hr drive, and it was just nice to get away from the city and be together.

Gorgeous day in Leadville, CO

Posing for a photo with Cal & Anna

The whole snowshoe Denver group

Las chicas y mi amigas

Fluffy fun snow for snow angels

Taking a break on the trail

Eating a nice meal at the Tennessee Cookhouse

Almost approaching our lunch spot

Last week, I had the opportunity to go skiing with my students in Winter Park at the National Sports Center for the Disabled. It's always so great to see the joy in their faces when they get to go skiing. I've never been a winter weather girl, but this winter has given me many reasons to enjoy the season.

Memories and thoughts of Haiti.

2011-01-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

I was am feeling especially nostalgic and emotional today as it marks the one year anniversary of the horrific earthquake that struck Haiti taking over 200,000 lives and the homes of millions. As I was listening to the stories covering the anniversary on NPR this morning and this evening, it was good that we were able to stop our day-to-day lives and remember those people and that country that has had it so hard. Some of the words shared were hopeful and helping to inspire the Haitian people by helping to take their lives into their own hands, and not to put their faith in the very corrupt government- But it was also frustrating that so many are still homeless and living in tents. Most of the buildings and houses still lay in rubble- just like they were 6 months ago when I was there, and 1 year ago when the earthquake struck. Certainly mourning needs to happen because of the tragedy and everyone in the country was some how affected. However, people from the outside have come to help and bring resources- and I do think that it has helped a good number of people and have seen the fruit of that. But my hope is that the Haitian people would be empowered in this process to change this country for the better to improve education, medical care, and life. I hope that they would become a country not driven by greed- but improved quality of life for everyone.
I am so inspired by Haiti Medical Missions of Memphis and other organizations that have been in Haiti before the earthquake and are there afterwards. In my month in Haiti, I experienced extreme emotions of being overwhelmed, frustrated, and tired. But I was also overcome with such joy and gratitude from my experience and the people I met and got to work with. I could not imagine what it would be like to be there for the long haul- living life there forever.. And there are people and organizations devoted to doing that. So I am especially grateful for that. My hope is that I continue to keep Haiti in my daily thoughts and prayers. That my life here would never get to hectic and busy that I forget the month I spent there, and that people continue to live life there. I pray that the people of Haiti can see the light and shine it on the nation. That the Haitian people can be empowered to take their lives and their country into their own hands to make it better for their children. I know it's going to take time, effort, energy, etc. But they can't give up- not now- not ever. I will end with this poem by Langston Hughes, that was very special to me from my time in Haiti:

The night is beautiful

So are the faces of my people.

The stars are beautiful,

So are the eyes of my people,

Beautiful also is the sun.

Beautiful, also are the souls of my people.

I saw such beauty in the people and the nation of Haiti when I was there, but it was masked by rubble, hopelessness, trauma, and mourning. May your beauty shine through, Haiti.

Thinking about peace

2011-01-09T17:24:00.000-08:00

I had a peaceful day yesterday. After I woke up, I went to Yoga, did some cleaning, went to a coffee shop to read, came home and journaled. I spent the evening with good friends, listening to good music, and sharing good conversation. Something happened yesterday that did not reflect the peacefulness that I felt. My heart is saddened by the shooting that occurred in Tucson, AZ yesterday. I can't even imagine the pain the families and those affected by the shooting yesterday are feeling. My mind is especially curious to what the motives of the shooter was. This had to be a man so overcome by anger. How does a person get that angry to do such a horrible thing?

At church today, I realized the ultimate vision of peace to me was Christ. He represented everything that Caesar and his empire didn't. He was the opposite of domination, violence, and power. He represents humility, acceptance, and love. My hope is for people in this world to experience peace in some way. When one experiences peace, there is no room for the anger and the violence given out by the 22-year old young man yesterday. I feel that the path of peace is always a better option for a better life.

Peace be with you.

Faith in 2011.

2011-01-01T23:46:00.000-08:00

I feel like I write about this a lot, but I really do feel so grateful for the people in my life. Tonight a group of good friends sat on our couch and shared if we wanted more HOPE, LOVE, or FAITH in 2011. What a great question to discuss. I want to be better about having more intentional discussions like that with the people I see on a daily basis. I got to have some really good conversations with some friends and family while I was visiting Chicagoland for the holidays. I feel like I try to fit in so much and see so many people on my visits, but I always leave feeling fulfilled and loved. The conversations were intentional and real and deep.. because we go months without seeing each other and maybe not talking- so catching up is necessary. I love it and I decided that energizes me.

Anyways... I decided that I would like to have more faith in 2011. I've definitely grown to be quite a sceptic in the area of religion the past few years. I don't regret that, but I do miss that feeling of a "child-like" faith and having conversations about what God is doing in our lives. I desire that feeling again, and I also desire more of those conversations. I want to feel authentic, and not forced. I want it to not be cliche, and not make people uncomfortable. I remember a time in college when I felt the most solid about my faith, and just the confidence that brought out in me with who I was. I think that a strong faith gives a person a confidence that makes them glow, that treats people well, that makes right decisions. I know we are all humans, and make plenty of mistakes... and I certainly feel like I am hard on myself- and internalize a lot of crap that I wish I wouldn't have done or wouldn't have said. But I am so grateful for that Grace that wipes me clean, and I want to bask in that gratitude daily.

Happy New Year. Here's to 2011.
I'll leave you with words from Mumford & Sons:
"Go over the hill and see what you find there. With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."
-Mumford & Sons After the Storm

Giving Thanks...

2010-12-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

View of the City and the Bay from the top of a windy road

At the beach on Thanksgiving morning

In the Vineyards in Sonoma

Making Turkeys on Thanksgiving

Tasting wine at the B.R. Cohn Winery & Vineyard

Muir Beach at Sunset

Sweet friends... great visit!

I took a trip last week over Thanksgiving to the San Francisco Bay Area to visit my old roommate and good friend, Susan, who recently took a job there in August. My roommate Brittany and good friend Jess joined me for the trip. It turns out that it was everything I needed and more. Visiting a beautiful place with so much to see and do is great- but it is even greater when you share it with close friends. I am mighty thankful for such wonderful people that have been put into my life. There was great joy experienced those 4 days. We laughed so much... I felt the breeze of the ocean on my face... I tasted great wine.... I ate such delicious food.. I was able to see a good friend living a new life that fit her so well... I saw beauty in a city, art, vineyards, sunshine and blue skies, beaches, hills, architecture, and in my sweet friends. I sometimes and sit back and think about how crazy my life is right now... I have so many dreams and desires of places to go, people and sights to see... Who knows if I will ever get all that done in a lifetime- But in a meantime, I have a life right in front of me that needs to be lived. I live in a beautiful place and have such great people around me here in Denver... and I have a beautiful family and friends to visit often because I have a job that allows me time off to travel and see them for the holidays and other various occasions. For that, I am truly thankful.

Reflections...

2010-11-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

I read this in an email this week, and liked it! Sometimes I have to stop myself from thinking about the future and what's ahead, and instead just focus on what's right there in front of me!

It may be that when we no longer

know what to do

we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer

know which way to go

we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled

is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

The Real Work, by Wendell Berry

Family + Friends time

2010-11-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

All the roommates at our Halloween Party (bathtub, cotton candy, Q tip, Shark Week, and an Aquarium)

This fall has been a very busy, yet exciting time. Things with work have still been very busy, but starting to feel a little more manageable. My weekends have been spent traveling for my cousin's wedding, hosting our annual halloween party, having a great friend from high school visit, and having my sister and my nephew in town. I continue to really thrive being around people.. especially people I love and that know me and love me well. I find myself caring about My family, friends, students, and co-workers so much, but not always knowing how to show that love and care. My heart aches when others are hurting, but it's difficult when you have no control over how they are feeling and that you can't make things better. I find myself coming back to my faith and trying to trust that everything will end up ok, and we are strong enough to go through trials.

I am looking forward to spending 4 days in San Francisco next week with friends Jess & Brit to visit my friend, Susan. Having a break from work is much needed for my sanity, and my brain, and my body. Last weekend, my sister and my nephew came to visit me in Denver. It was so great to spend such quality time with both of them. I realize how hard it is to be a Mom. Wow, my sister is a great mom! We went for walks, went shopping, went out to eat, watched movies, and got to just hang out and chat! I'm so grateful for my sister and my nephew Blake is such a great baby and so fun to have around. I got to see all my family last month for my cousin's wedding. My grandfather turned 80 years old this week! I feel so lucky to have two grandparents still alive and very much part of my life. They are some of the greatest people I have ever known! As well as my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It's always great to see them, and I'm looking forward to Christmas!

Jill & I with the Bride-to-be

All the girl cousins at Bekka's wedding

My nephew and my sister come visit Denver!

Blake getting a bath in Denver

With the little monster after his bath time

Blake and his Mom in front of my house in Denver after a nice walk

Holding my nephew at Bekka's wedding

The holidays are such a special time of year, and I'm so glad I have great friends and family to share them with. It's important to remind myself just how lucky I am because I think when the weather changes or work gets hard.. it's so easy to just feel bad for yourself... but deep down, I know that's silly- and I have lots of people around me that support and encourage me and create such joy in my life!

Lately...

2010-10-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a BEAUTIFUL fall here in Denver. The colors have really come out the past few weeks and the sun is still shining. I'm trying to take time to appreciate the colors before they go away. After a frustrating and emotionally draining work week last week, I think I'm finally starting to get into the swing of things. There is always plenty of work to be done- but I was able to take a "mental health" day last Friday, which was MUCH needed. I went for a run in the beautiful fall weather, ran some errands, did some cleaning, and got to visit a good friend's new baby. Last Saturday, I was able to visit my friends at the organic farm they live on outside of Boulder. We went on a hay ride, had a potluck, and watched people carve pumpkins. It was nice to get out of the city for a bit and be with old college friends who know you so well.

Kristi and I on the Hay Ride at Frog Belly Farm

Last Sunday, I ran my third half marathon. It was a gorgeous day. It was so fun to run all around the streets of downtown Denver with 1000s of other people. I have really enjoyed doing races. It gives me something to train for and running has really helped me unwind from work. So many of the students I work with go home to pretty crappy home lives. I have a hard time not letting those thoughts consume me. I came to the point last week that so much of their lives are not in my control- and the only thing I can offer them sometimes is to love them well when they are in school, and to pray for them. Monday mornings I have began meeting with another co-worker to pray for other students and colleagues that we work with. We had both been feeling pretty overwhelmed by the heavy stuff people are having to deal with it. I have been pretty disconnected from prayer in the past year or so because of my own personal struggles with the church. I have begun really appreciating prayer and I think it is a healthy discipline. I do think sometimes Christians can get a little cheesy with prayer and that big prayer circles can be overwhelming- but I like taking time alone or just with one or two others can be nice. There is some relief and releasing those burdens to God.

Leslie, Anna, Jess, and I after running the Denver Rock 'n' Roll 1/2 Marathon

Tomorrow I get to fly to Chicago to go to my cousins wedding. It will be nice to see family, spend some time with my new nephew and take 3 days away from work. I'm looking forward to having our Halloween party at our new house and getting to spend more quality time with roommates in Denver too- now that life is starting to settle down a little bit!

Fall Foliage

2010-10-05T22:25:00.000-07:00

Even though I feel like my weeks have been crazy busier and my weekends have been nonexistent lately, I made time to go on a day hike with an old college friend this past weekend. We hiked up by Berthoud's Pass. It was a BEAUTIFUL fall day, but there was the smell of smoke in the air from the wildfire that started just west of Fraser. We need rain here in Colorado. It's been an abnormally warm fall. We have two weeks left before some friends and I run the Denver Rock 'n' Roll half marathon, so I'm hoping it's in the 60s and sunny by then :).

Lack of sleep and overload at work and things going on outside of work have certainly made me cranky at times. I hate that I find myself getting easily offended or short with people because of it. I'm thankful for good friends, family, and students that bring smiles to my faces and make me laugh. It certainly gives me hope that this time of busyness will pass. I have been certainly grateful for friends to practice Spanish with, a new rental house with an incredible front porch, some good long runs, good boxed wine, local coffee shops, picture texts of my nephew, and hugs from some of the students I work with.

This too shall pass.

Keep on...

2010-09-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

I feel like I haven't stopped this past month. Work has been really busy trying to get things going in the beginning of the school year and moving out of a house and into a new house is always more work than you think. I'm feeling more and more like an adult these days. This is my third year in this job with the same schools and some of the same staff and a lot of the same kiddos to work with. I'm no longer a rookie or the young kid on the block. I like that, but with it comes added responsibilities. I do know I'm not alone in feeling super overwhelmed and busy trying to do my job well. I think a lot of Americans probably feel that way right now because when positions and programs are cut due to a poor economy, it tends to leave one person to do the work of at least three people. There are some big systemic issues especially in the field of education. Class sizes are too big, teachers and specialists are expected to do too much in order to prove to the government that our kids are learning , and yet funds continue to get cut. It's a frustrating thing, but I get stuck with what do we do with it. Because if we just give up and don't do our job- kids don't get what they need. We're all in the same boat.

I also cannot imagine trying to do my job well and also being a parent. I commend the people that do work full time and are parents. That seems like an overwhelming task. I feel like we're almost set up to fail at one of those jobs. You either give everything to your job, and do it really well- or you give everything to your family. No matter what, it seems like one thing has to suffer if you're working hard at another. Maybe that's another issue with American culture and the expectations of our careers and places of work. Parents are so influential in our lives, and if that is lacking in someone's life, it can be really detrimental.

I had the opportunity to share about my experience in Haiti with a book club last night that read Mountains Beyond Mountains (a book about Dr. Farmer, who started a big health NGO in Haiti) by Tracey Kidder. Being asked to share about Haiti is such an honor to me, and it really helps me return to reality and gain perspective. Life is hard in Haiti. The education and health care systems are far behind the US. Good jobs are hard to come by. We have things really good here in America. Sure, there are problems everywhere- we're living in an imperfect world. But we have access to clean water, good health care, and a free education. We're doing something right.

This coming weekend is a fundraiser for Haiti Medical Missions of Memphis, the organization that I volunteered with in Haiti. I want more than anything to be there right now, but finances and timing didn't make that possible. Some of the volunteers are going and it's an opportunity to share about our experiences and support an excellent cause. I really miss being there and seeing the smiling faces of the patients and laughing and seeing the progress being made in lives of the people. I miss being around people that are also working for the same cause and not for a paycheck. Being at that book club last night and sharing conversation with other working professionals in the school system here in the U.S. gave me hope that people here really do want what is best for the kids and the world. And although there are times where we are overwhelmed, spread too thin, and cranky because of that-- God has a mysterious way of putting things into perspective and reminding us just how blessed we are. So I will keep on keeping on.. and I hope you will too :).

Simple Pleasures

2010-09-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

Kate & Dave's wedding at the top of Keystone Mountain.. Gorgeous day for a wedding outside!

Getting back to work has certainly lead to increased stress.. But I think I am quickly reminded and provided with some fun and great opportunities! This week I started a Spanish class, which I am already so excited about. I also got to reconnect with my students (new ones and old ones). I spent last Monday evening at a concert at Red Rocks Amphitheater to see Ray LaMontagne & David Gray, which was so fantastic. The weather has been incredible here. I'm loving the sun and the breeze. I've been hiking for the past two weekends, and went to a wedding on the top of a mountain yesterday. I've had many good laughs with friends, better conversations, a fantastic long run today, and even a night of dancing! I am certainly enjoying being back in Denver with what it has to offer here, and the relationships I have been developing for the past 3 years. I am still missing my family and my new nephew and friends in Chicago.. and I am of course missing the people and my time from being in Haiti this summer. I have realized as life becomes busy here, I tend to be more disconnected from things and people that are not here with me. My prayer is that I continue to be connected to those relationships and experiences that have so much shaped who I am.
I will close with some photos of my time with friends, on mountains, in the beauty with the breeze hitting my face :).

Hiking in Keystone, CO on Labor Day weekend

At the top of Torrey's Peak

A weekend in the mountains with friends, going for a leisurely hike.

So many changes...

2010-08-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

With Medeus (our patient with a stroke) and his wife in Haiti

It's certainly been a whirlwind of a month. Tomorrow I will have left Haiti three weeks ago. I continue to miss it everyday and think about the experience and people often. Being there for a month made me realize how short one month really is in the grand scheme of things. It made me desire to do something more long term. I know that the timing in my life, I have a job I need to return to and financially I cannot leave that right now, but my hope is that maybe in the next couple of years, I can figure something out so I can live in a different country for a longer period of time... long enough to learn the culture well and learn the language a little more.. and really build some great relationships.

Holding my new nephew, Blake Murray Heilicser for the first time

My first friends in Denver

Since returning from Haiti, my little nephew was born on 8/9/10! He is so precious and has brought such joy to my family. It was incredible to hold him, and amazing to think about the miracle of life. I flew to Chicago from Haiti to be with my family and meet my little nephew. I was feeling emotions of sadness for leaving Haiti and happiness of being with my family and meeting my new nephew. And then I had to return to Denver so I could start my job up again. So again, I was feeling emotions of sadness for leaving Haiti, and now leaving my nephew.. but also happy to have met him and happy to have had the experience of Haiti.. and now happy to be back in Denver. This past weekend really helped feel good about being back in Denver. The weather was beautiful. I even escaped to the mountains on Saturday to go to a friends wedding. I rode my bike all over town. We had friends over and had a BBQ. I went to a friends house for a BBQ. I had brunch and great conversation with a friend. I went for a run with no humidity. I drank good coffee and even better beer. I felt the summer breeze. All of these are such simple pleasures, but are very much reasons why Denver feels good right now. It is home.. for now. I have been in Colorado for 5 years, Denver for 3 years. I have had many roommates and lived in many houses... and I'm preparing to move yet again. It will be my 8th place of residence in 5 years... and I hate to move. But I also love having roommates and experiencing new neighborhoods. So this is more change in my life. One roommate is getting married, and it looks like we may gain 2 more roommates and live in a 5 bedroom house. It should be fun, but it's another place to have to settle into and another place that it will take awhile to feel like home. Home has been an interesting concept. I have had the desire to really settle down and live in a place for awhile in the last year. However, I cannot figure out where I want that place to be. I'm not quite ready to own a home.. or make a decision of where i want to settle down.. who knows if I'll ever be ready. But I do see the advantage of it. I see how communities of people are formed when people stay in a place and invest in the people around them. So to me home is not a house or a place at all.. Home is actually act of being around people that mutually know each other and love each other well. That's a hard concept for us 20-something, non-committal, transient, adventure seeking types.

A group of my middle school students seeing School House Rock - The musical, last April

I've been back to work now for a week. Today was the first day I got to interact with some of my students. It was so refreshing. I love being reminded of why I do my job and I why I love what I do. It's about those kids. They bring such joy to my heart. I'm excited to reconnect with them. I have so much to be thankful for. Counting my blessings!

Beautiful

2010-07-30T17:03:00.007-07:00

I thought this piece by Langston Hughes really summed up my time in Haiti:

The night is beautiful,
So are the faces of my people.

The stars are beautiful,
So are the eyes of my people.

Beautiful, also is the sun.
Beautiful, also, are the souls of my people.

-Langston Hughes

A prayer

2010-07-30T17:03:00.005-07:00

My roommate Anna shared this prayer with me when I left for Haiti. It is quite profound, so I thought I would share it as well:

"We cannot merely pray to you o god to end war; for we know that you have made the world in a way that man must find his own path to peace within himself and his neighbor. We cannot merely pray to you, o god, to end starvation for you have already given us the resources with which to feed the entire world, if only we would use them wisely. We cannot merely pray to you, o god, to root our prejudice, for you have already given us eyes with which to see all the good in all men if we could only use them rightly. We cannot merely pray to you, o god, to end despair, for you have already given us the power to clear away slums and to give hope- if we could only use our power justly. We cannot merely pray to you, o god, to end disease for you have already given us great minds with which to search out cures and healing, if we would only use them constructively. Therefore we pray to you instead, o god, for strength, determination, and will power, to do instead of just pray; to become instead of merely wish."

-Jack Riemer
Likarat Shabbat

Photos courtesy of Callie Kraus

Light

2010-07-30T17:03:00.003-07:00

I wanted to share a theme of my time in Haiti. I read Ann lamott's book "Traveling Mercies" while here. I just love the way she writes and her stories about life. She said this that really caught my eye:

"The thing about light is that it really isn't yours; it's what you gather and shine back. And it gets more power from reflectiveness; if you sit still and take it in, it fills your cup, and then you can give it off yourself. So I sat still."

I love this because light in Haiti is not something you take for granted. Electricity is a luxury here. My time here helped me to sit still and soak in the light (when we had electricity :)) Because it's not mine, it's something I must share!

Photos of the beautiful place we stayed in Croix de Bouquet, Haiti. Courtesy of the very talented Callie Kraus

Blood, sweat, and tears

2010-07-30T17:03:00.001-07:00

The team of therapists (Karen - OT, Kristin - OT, and Cristina- PT)

Kenol doing residual limb desensitization in a bucket of beans

Hanging out at the Chilean's house after a night of laughing and talking on the roof (Alejandro - Doctor, Natalia -Dentist, Paloma- midwife, and Julio- Doctor)
Having a Basketball game with our patients!

Alejandro and Natalia with Mandfred after the basketball game

Erica (the new OT that just arrived) and I on my last night in Haiti.

Our patient, Saladin with Karen (OT), Cristina (PT), and myself before he was discharged to go home for the first time since March!

Today I am departing Haiti after spending one month here. I absolutely don't want to leave, but with my sister having a baby very soon- I also want to be there for that! On Monday of this week, a new OT arrived that will be replacing myself and the other therapists. Like me, she has also spent time volunteering as an OT in Africa (Uganda and Malawi)!! It's crazy because we have had very similar experiences and very similar hearts! It makes me want to stay here and work with her for the next three months. She is also from the suburbs of Chicago- it's crazy how much we have in common, so I think I found my new travel buddy!

We discharged a group of 6 of our patients the day before last. It was more emotional than I thought it would be! We gave them little gifts to remember us by, and received warm tearful hugs and so much gratitude! Some of these patients have had their home at the facility since march because their injuries were so severe. Saladin was non-ambulatory and very weak when he arrived there. I was told he was the only person in his engineering building at the university in port au prince that survived the earthquake. He left a new man and ready to begin life as a student again after visiting his family.
On Wednesday of this week , I went with 6 of our patients with amputations to a clinic set up by the Hanger-Sabel Foundation. Hanger is a well known prosthetic company in the US. 4 of our patients got measured and casted for their new prosthetics, which will be ready In 2 weeks. Unfortunately arm prosthetics are all on hold in Haiti right now, but the patients who will be receiving new legs were all very happy. Mandfred told me he can't wait to play soccer again and Sainvil told me thar he's so excited to walk everywhere! It was neat to see them so happy. The prosthetist there was American and she taught some really important stretches and range of motion exercises to help the patients prepare for a prosthetic. I'm really learning so much here as a therapist!
We have been having way too much fun this week. Two doctors from the US came, along with their children- and a social work student, and a guy making a documentary on the clinic also came. They arrived in time to help us throw a basketball game with our patients and Alejandro (a visiting seminary student from Mexico) helped Karen (another therapist make treats for the party). It was so good to see everyone smiling and laughing. Natalia (dentist from chile), Alejandro and Julio (doctors from chile) also came to celebrate with us! We ended our day playing futbol together! They, along with Paloma(midwife from chile) have become my running buddies! They have motivated me to run with them before we start work in the morning, which has been so enjoyable to run again and get up early when it's not as hot! But don't worry there is still plenty of sweating pretty much all the day long- which unfortunately forced me to shower much more than I normally like to do :)!
I'm going to miss this! I'm going to miss working with the patients, hearing their stories, walking with new friends in the streets after work, running in the morning with new friends, playing futbol and basketball with people from all over the world, laughing at the communication barriers and my attempt at speaking creole, sitting on the roof with the Chileans on breezy nights, hearing about cultures all over the world, dancing and singing with Tony and Alejandro and our patients, drinking Haitian rum made with sugar cane mixed with mango or pineapple juice while playing a new haitian card game that the girls in the kitchen taught us, laughing about our funny patients and going on weekend outings with Karen and Cristina, and all the people I came in contact with each day who all greeted me with such warmth.
I can tell you that I won't miss all my bug bites that I itch until they bleed. I won't miss sharing my room with tarantulas and cock roaches. I won't miss the smell of exhaust, garbage everywhere, and roads full of potholes. But I will leave feeling so grateful for this blessed life that I live and the opportunities I have been given. And I am so thankful to God for keeping me safe and giving me purpose! Signing off in Haiti. Orevwa.

zanmi mwen

2010-07-25T10:38:00.001-07:00

The chaos at the rehab center has calmed down a little bit the past few days. Our decision not to admit any new patients before we leave and the new therapist comes has really allowed us to
Pour our energy into the patients we already have. We are seeing some nice progress from most of our patients, which has been exciting to see. We have had both of our stroke patients and our spinal cord injury patient up and walking with supports. We have been focusing on extensive training for their caregivers, which we're finding is very necessary in order to be discharged from here. We are also trying to really focus our energy on training the rehab nurse and our rehab tech (both from Haiti) on the work.
Because we see most of these patients everyday or a few times a week, they have really become some of my buddies... I have begun to call them zanmi mwen, which means my friend in Creole. I learned that when i put my arm around one of patients with an above knee amputation, who knows some english.. And i said "my buddy, my friend!" He then shared with me the creole term for that. They like to laugh at me when I try to talk to them in Creole because I'm quite bad at speaking it, but they like me because I continue to try. We have had pretty consistent help from translators this week, which has also been a huge blessing especially for caregiver education. Some of the frustration has been in the need for many of our patients to be on medications. We have access to many of the medications because there is a pharmacy and a primary clinic on the grounds. However we found out today that the nursing staff has not been very consistent with giving out the prescribed medications to the patients who need them... and when we're dealing with patients having really high blood pressures and intense pain, it gets scary
to know their limits with therapy. So we are finding that our job becomes much more than a therapist, and instead we are spending time being a social worker and a nurse, and a manager and educator of the staff. I'm sure this is a need in most third world countries!
It's been raining a lot at night.. I think because it's hurricane season, but last night we kept ourself busy by cooking an international meal representing dishes from the various countries represented on the grounds here. It was very enjoyable. All the rain helped cool us off today, and there was even a little breeze!!! So I went walking around our neighborhood with some others here. On our walk we stumbled upon a camp for children that had been found in the streets... Most abandoned... That was difficult to see, but the children were smiling, laughing, and playing! There were also many Haitian people that had taken on caring for these kids... What a sacrifice!
I can't believe I only have one week left! I have been very thankful for the other two therapists here to share this experience with. I will most definitely miss all my new Haitian "zanmi mwens" Friday afternoon we will hold a basketball practice for our patients in hopes to have an actual game with our patients and some if the volunteers here. I'm looking forward to this and our last weekend to really explore haiti!
Bon nuit!!

Two weeks here, and a lifetime of work to be done...

2010-07-19T10:37:00.001-07:00

Having this weekend off has been really nice in order to get some rest and see more of Haiti. Friday we returned to more local art in Haiti in the village of the artists and Saturday we spent the day at the beach. The beach is only a little over an hour drive from where we stay and there is actually a paved road (with potholes of course) to get there. So 5 of us went to the beach, which included 2 Americans, 1 Canadian, 1 ecuadorian, and an Indonesian! Their beach was mostly rocks and not too much sand but it was pretty to see the ocean with the mountains in the distance. When we tried to leave the beach we found that the car we took there didn't start. Luckily we found several local Haitians that knew a thing or two about fixing cars to help us out for a small price of course. We made it back to the grounds in time for a fiesta with our patients and other visitors staying on the grounds. We had Latin, Haitian, American, and Indonesian music with many different styles of dancing. Today(sunday), I enjoyed a quiet (including the rooster calls) morning where I hand washed my clothes in a basin with soap and water and swept and mopped my room. It's hard to keep anything clean here, but I'm adjusting to being dirty quite well :).
The two other therapists and I just returned from a walk where we talked about plans for how to better set up the next therapist for success. We are needing to plan to discharge some of our outpatient and inpatients in order to create an atmosphere where patients are receiving the therapy they need without the therapist being completely overwhelmed by the need and the amount of patients that are hoping to be seen. We have found this week there has been confusion among some of the people promoting our services about what all therapy entails. We are getting more and more involved patients like strokes and spinal cord injuries, and in order to give them good treatment, they need our time once or twice day for 1 hour. We are also trying train a rehab nurse and rehab aide from Haiti so they will be able to assist with this process when we leave. We're finding that trying to train the haitians, translate languages, and treat patients is quite a time consuming and exhausting process. Therefore it is impossible for us to accept any new patients right now be use we are already so stretched. I feel guilt about that because we know new people are going to continue to arrive, but i know that on order for our current patients to make progress, they need to receive good therapy. Also, there is only one new therapist coming to replace 3 of us, so we don't want overwhelm her more than she already will be. One thing is for sure... The need is there and we're not possibly meeting all their needs. It's going to take quite a long time.
On a positive note, I really am enjoying working with the patients. They are a delight and my creole is coming along. I continue to learn more everyday from the other therapists and the physiatrist that came to train us in spinal cord injury bowel and bladder programs. I am also continually reminded at how blessed I am to live where I do and be born into the family I was. Somethings I will never understand.
And so this week, I will try and celebrate the small steps and simple joys- because that's what any progress made will need to begin with.
Bonswa!

6 months since "the event"

2010-07-12T21:36:00.001-07:00

Today was the six month anniversary to the horrible earthquake that struck Haiti on January 12, 2010. Over 300,000 people died due to the quake... Many more left homeless and injured. We held a special vigil today to remember the fallen today, in which many of our patients attended. It was quite difficult to see the emotions of some of the Haitians. I could not imagine the pain they are experiencing.
This weekend I got a chance to talk to a Mexican journalist who is here interviewing some haitian figures regarding the affects of the earthquake and the progress that has occurred since January 12. It appears that the gov't has made very little progress with rebuilding. Many of the large buildings in port au prince still remain collapsed and untouched. The roads are in complete shambles, making the traffic awful. We experienced that on saturday as we were out driving around going to see Haitian art. It took us hours only to drive a short distance. The journalist told me that many Haitians are moving to these tent compounds in port au prince because the UN is giving those Haitian families the equivalent of $5/day to live. However.. If an average Haitian worker makes only $2/day.. So essentially they are making more money by not working. It's unfortunate, but quite evident that the systems of power are corrupt and their progress if rebuilding Haiti is minimal.
As for the baby steps... Many people are here offering health care and services. Today the doctors we are working with at our clinic returned from their holiday. They are all from chile and are doing a 6 month medical rotation here. There is a dentist, nurse, pediatrician, and gynecologist. I look forward to working with them. Tomorrow some of the children I met at the orphanage with disabilities will be coming to the clinic tomorrow for therapy. The PT volunteer with me will be making a trip to the Handicap International office to get prosthetics for some of our amputee patients and an orthotics for our new patient who recently suffered a stroke. On Wednesday, we will be getting a patient with an incomplete spinal cord injury. He is coming from the famous, dr. Paul farner's organization Partners In Health. They will be sending over a doctor to help train us in this patient's bowel and bladder program. It should be very interesting. Because of where his injury was, he may be able to walk, but has lost his sensation for going to the bathroom. The more i work with these patients, the more I am interested in the field of public health and/or medical anthropology. On a positive note, one of our inpatients has made good progress and I am hoping to do a home (tent) visit with her at the end of the week to make sure she can go home. I am certainly enjoying the work here. I am learning a ton about the lower extremity from my fellow PT colleague.
We were fortunate to leave the grounds on Saturday to go see some of the beautiful Haitian metalwork art. Our translator/driver/rehab extraordinaire, Jean Claude took us there. Everyone I speak to still continues to talk about the danger of us going outside to grounds of the clinic alone. I did not feel unsafe leaving, but I am also thankful to have a trustworthy tour guide with us. We hope to spend a day next weekend seeing the beach in haiti!
Until next time.... Orevwa!

January 12th

2010-07-08T21:32:00.001-07:00

This week I have had a chance to learn some stories about what happened the day of the earthquake. We are finding that the Haitians do not use the word "earthquake" (in creole) when speaking about it. They often refer to it as January 12th or "the event." The affects of that day will certainly last a life time. People are scared to return to their homes and or return to any home because of what happened. I met a Haitian teacher at the catholic seminary who's sister and brother in-law both died in "the event," leaving his niece an orphan. She now lives with his father and mother. His mother had a very severe stroke 2 years ago and is dependent for all her mobility and self care. They brought her into our rehab clinic today for therapy. In Haiti, the culture is similar in Latin countries where the family takes care of any sick or elderly people- there is no nursing homes or in home help. But there are so many people with similar stories because they have family who was severely injured from the earthquake and also dealing with death and devastation. It's all so unreal to me.
On a more positive note, we continue getting more and more patients at the rehab clinic. I'm learning a lot from the other OT and PT I'm working with, along with our translator/rehab aide/ driver, Jean Claude. I feel like I'm starting to build relationships with the patients while learning creole, French, and more Spanish! We laugh a lot here. Lots of laughter stems from confusion with communication, or from nuns carrying around bottles of tilex to kill bugs, or from the power going out 3-4 x/day, and sweating profusely from simply sitting due to the intense humidity.
Oh we are so spoiled in the U.S.!
Pase Bon Nuit (have a good night)! In creole

Bonjou Haiti!

2010-07-05T20:01:00.001-07:00

What an interesting couple of days it has already been in croix de bouquet, Haiti. The airport was quite chaotic and small so it was hard to accommodate the big flights of people arriving. I got all my bags and found my ride! Thank god! We are living at a catholic seminary among seminary students, nuns, Haitian patients, and medical professionals. Most of the nuns speak spanish or Italian while the patients all speak creole, which is like french. I have met people from many different countries including Spain, argentina, Columbia, Indonesia, Mexico, Italy, Canada and of course Haiti and the u.s. Everyone is very nice and has a joyful spirit around them which makes it fun to be around! We have spent the past two nights playing music, singing and dancing in the courtyard! It's so great how music brings people together even though it's difficult to communicate due to the language barrier.
On Sunday the other 2 therapists and myself spent the morning cleaning and organizing the rehab clinic. They have some really great equipment and materials that have been donated. In the afternoon we rode into town to see some of the devastation from the earthquake. The roads are filled with rubble and trash making it difficult to drive on them. Huge cathedrals and buildings just like collapsed. Even the president's palace was destroyed. Yet life has continued for these people. Many suffer injuries and most lost their homes and loved ones. I saw areas where 1000s of tents were set up for peoples homes. People living in close quarters without running water or toilet facilities making disease very easily spread. I lie here tonight with my own bedroom and bathroom as it is thundering and pouring rain while millions of people are in tents. It isn't fair. I don't get it.
We had our first day of treating patients today. Many of them suffered from crush injuries from the earthquake. Most gave been operated on with internal or external fixations holding their bones in place. I also saw several patients with lower limb amputations. I was impressed with their strength and stamina. In rehab we are mostly preparing them to return to their family, which now most likely live in a tent. So these patients need to be strong enough and mobile enough to lie down and get up from a cot on the ground. They also are trying to return to their job that most likely required them to be physically able. Many of the patients show perserverence and strength despite their hardships. It serves as a good lesson in gratitude for me. Why complain about eating rice and beans or having bugs in your bedroom or being so stinking hot- when what I was blessed with is far more than enough.
I continue to be excited about this experience and am eager to learn from my fellow therapists, nuns, students, and Haitian workers and patients. Bonswa! (good evening)

"We believe God has NOT given up on the world...."

2010-06-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

This past year has been an interesting season in my faith. I have wrestled with this idea of church and how to live out our faith. I have struggled with building community in the way that Christ talks about building community because our culture or society feels like it influences community way too much. It's hard to do something or take part in something that you don't feel like your doing it right....

I have not lost hope in Jesus, and who He was and is. I have become a greater cynic though... and I don't always like who I have become. I am too quick to criticize people and churches, in which I am thankful for grace. Building a community and a "church" certainly takes time and investing... And I am constantly reminded that I can not do this alone... My tendency has been to try and do it alone.. take it all on, and get burned out and frustrated when I realize no one else is fully in. Because in this society we are so far stretched, overcommitted, spread too thin, move too fast......

In one week, I will leave to volunteer in Haiti for one month. God certainly uses these trips and the summer to help me get back on track and depend just on Him. It will be a time to work through this reality that we live in an imperfect world, and that there will be flaws in our "church" and frustrations in our community, but what we really need to do is follow Jesus... that's all.

And even though I have tried to prepare myself for what Haiti might be like by meeting with people, reading books, reading blogs, emails, researching, learning a little creole........ I have a feeling nothing can prepare me for seeing the devastation that these people have endured. But I do know that I need to strongly hold onto the belief that GOD has NOT given up on the world!

And so I will go to Haiti, and I will learn soooo much... and I will be touched by so many... I will attempt be of assistance to the people I get to work with. I am so grateful for this opportunity.

Sunrise

2010-03-04T06:38:00.000-08:00

I wish I was more of a morning person. It's been my wish for a long time... Mornings have always been hard for me. It has gotten easier as I have been on a semi-normal sleeping schedule for the past 3 years of my life. For the lenten season, I gave up pressing my snooze button for more than 10min past my alarm time. That has really helped me get of bed. This morning, I had the pleasure of taking two friends to the airport at 5:30am. I got to watch the beautiful sun rise with the Rocky Mountains in the background and sit down to enjoy a cup of coffee before work. It feels great! If only I had the discipline to do this every morning.....

A difficult work week...

2010-02-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

I have always made a pretty conscious effort to set boundaries for myself with work and non-work because I know burn-out will happen if I don't do this. This week was interesting because although my hours at being work didn't change too much, my mind and heart were consumed by it. I was not consumed with the act of doing work or feeling stress about work that needs to be done, I was consumed by the pain and hardships some of my students and their families go through on a daily basis. I often talk with other educators about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (a psychologist's theory).. Meaning that we can't get anywhere with kids when their basic needs aren't even being met. I had a student this week who lost her mother suddenly. This student has pretty severe Autism, and is nonverbal. Her mother was all she had. There is no other family around and no Dad in the picture. And because of that, she is going to have to go into foster care or a facility that can meet her needs- which will most likely be far away from the school she was attending. Therefore, this girl who is very structured and needs routines, is losing EVERYTHING familiar to her because a horrible tragedy occurred when her mom died unexpectedly. My heart breaks for her. Another one of my students lost his father one year ago. He has a really hard time engaging in normal peer interaction, and craves adult attention because he isn't getting any at home. He wants nothing more to be loved, and even wrote about that recently in a class writing assignment. My heart breaks for him. If we simply could provide the one basic need that is so important, I feel like a lot of problems in the world would not exist.

This week a 32-year old man opened fire at a middle school in the school district where I work. Luckily no one died, but two children did sustain some serious injuries. A math teacher at that school ran and tackled this man as another teacher took his gun away. They prevented any other people from being shot. I want nothing, but to believe I would do the same thing in that situation- but I have no idea how I would respond with something like that. I do know that those teachers showed how much they love those students- that they are willing to put their lives in jeopardy to protect them. My prayer would be that all students everywhere would experience love like that from the adults in their lives. My guess is that 32-year old gunman has not experienced the love he needs.

I do know I don't have much control over what happens when the kids I work with go home at night. But I do know I have the capability to show and make sure they feel loved when I get to see them on a weekly basis... and I feel blessed for that opportunity.

Steamboat Trip

2010-02-11T22:26:00.001-08:00

Day 3 of skiing on some fresh powder!

I am still in awe at the views from the slopes. It's unreal all the beauty!

Blue skies are my favorite and I feel lucky when I get to spend them outside with my friends!
Erin looks so small in comparison to HOW BIG the mountains are around us! I will never get sick of them!
This to me is church.. spiritual practices of spending time in creation and being still. Breathing in the fresh air and feeling the wind on your face. This is the real deal!

What is church anyway?

2010-02-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

I've been really struggling for the past year about what church should look like. I've read all sorts of books and have gotten fired up by great conversations with people about it.... and I've come to this point of frustration. Mostly because I have the vision of what I think it should be, but I'm not sure our American Culture allows it to happen. Church in the traditional sense has gotten very mundane to me. I don't get much out of liturgy or reading prayers. Although, I do think spiritual practices are important- but maybe I'm not in the right mindset. I've been apart of a house church for over a year. We focus on social justice issues, living simply, and community. We have an alternative church service where dialogue and discussion is welcome. We sit at a table. But we can't have great dialogue and discussion if there isn't community built among us! We spent a year building community with people who have since moved away or became too busy- and now we are cycling through a new group of people where community has not been built yet... I think mostly because we are tired. Investing in community building seems to wipe me out.
But the fact of the matter is... I have community all around me. I have community in my house. I have it at work. I have it with various friends around. So do I need an actual 'church?' This is my argument... Church is actually "where two or one come gathered in My Name." Well, in that case.. I am often part of church. I am part of church every Tuesday when I serve at clothing closet for the homeless. I am part of church almost daily when I sit on the couch and talk about life with my roommates. I am part of church almost weekly when I hang out with friends at a pub and talk about life. However, I am hungry to be challenged spiritually.. and I'm not sure how that plays a role in all this. Do I simply read more books and listen to sermons online? Or do I need to be a part of an actual church organized body? I guess I just wish our culture (and our human condition) wouldn't get in the way, and that church would happen much more organically! But instead we are busy people... with lots and lots of different community we are invested in already... What do we do with it?

Getting older, cutting ties....

2009-09-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

I am someone who definitely values friendships from all walks of my life. I am someone who enjoys keeping in touch with people and make it a conscious effort to do so. Recently upon returning from Uganda, I became VERY overwhelmed with how hard it was to get reconnected with friends unless they lived close by. Some friends have made an effort to really to get back in touch with me, and I really appreciate that. However, I'm learning not to take it personally or get frustrated when others drift further away or it seems as if we're playing an endless game of phone tag. Unfortunately, this is life. We get older and we continue meeting new people. If we continue to live in the past, we will miss the relationships we can gain the in the present. Recently, I've been enjoying the people that I work with on a daily basis. Whether it's been hiking, going for a walk, going on a bike ride, going to brunch, or grabbing some drinks after work- These are people that I probably wouldn't be connected with unless we didn't work together. I can definitely learn from them. Many of them are older than me, some are married, some have gone through divorces. But in the meantime, there are people that I haven't reconnected with since returning from Uganda. It's not that I don't care about them, but the timing in our lives do not allow it right now. I need to be better about really investing in some great friendships- rather than having MANY acquaintances. It's going to be an ongoing struggle for me though. I don't cut ties easily- but I know I need to in order to be more present in the lives of the people I encounter on a daily basis... especially as I move to a new house this weekend, there will be new neighbors to invest in- and old ones to let go.

Faithfulness and missing Uganda!

2009-08-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

I have been mighty grateful for technology and the ability to talk to some of my friends in Uganda since I have returned back to the states. It makes me miss them even more, but it is has also made the transition easier.

My pastor's wife/mentor who was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor found out today from 6 different opinions that they believe the mass to be benign. That is a HUGE blessing and I am in awe from the faithfulness of God and listening to all the prayers. I will continue to pray for that of course.. and my hope is that good news is also given to my aunt who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and my grandma's cousin who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer.

I wanted to jot down some ways of life that I wish would be universal practices and that I would be better at....
1. Making time for people.. whether it's taking a few minutes when you run into someone you know randomly to chat or being hospitable and setting aside some time when someone comes into town.
2. Taking on someone's hardships as a community instead of trying to deal with something alone. I struggle with the individualistic nature of Americans. It seems to make more sense to suffer with people rather than alone.
3. Sitting down for long meals.. not necessarily eating the whole time, but sitting back and chatting for a period of time after meals without the sense of urgency to do something else.
4. Saying hi to complete strangers that pass by
5. Learning the origin of certain traditions or practices
6. Taking interest in someone from a different country and learning their culture
7. Asking some in-depth questions to people
8. Giving verbal encouragement or compliment to someone
9. Sharing praises that happened
10. Sending unexpected gifts/letters/cards to someone

Tomorrow is not promised to us. Therefore living in the present seems to be the best option. Carpe Diem.

Back to Denver

2009-07-29T20:36:00.000-07:00

Being back in Denver has brought a mix of emotions. It's been good seeing old friends and being back in a beautiful place where people ride their bikes often and read good books and eat at fun places. After being in Denver for two years, I have realized that some of my friendships here are the real thing. They are loyal and have become my family away from home. I found out the day I returned to Denver that a dear friend, mentor, woman I admire, has a brain tumor. A group of us went over to her and husband's house that night. We cried together and we laughed together. This is the church. It's about going through things together. It's about suffering with people and taking on their pain. It's about unconditional love. As hard as that night was, it was also so good to be with those people. It felt right. It felt like family.
Unfortunately, I was quick to get back into my busy lifestyle once returning to Denver with working during my days and having plans every night. Always running from one thing to the next. My roommate last night told me I have to learn to say "no." The hard thing is I want to have all these plans. I thrive when I'm around people. If I learned anything from my time in Uganda.. it was the exact opposite. The slow pace of life and laid back schedule suited me well, but it also challenged me in hard ways to really reflect and think about the situation there. That time in thought lead to a lot of frustration, emotion, and anxiety.
So jumping back into life I think brought on some illness. I developed a fever last night and woke up with one today. I can't remember the last time I had a fever, and it's a symptom of Malaria.. so naturally, I was a little freaked out. I looked up symptoms of Malaria online.. sure enough my symptoms matched! I went to the urgent care center at Denver Health first thing this morning.. and after 6hours, they determined I had the flu. Malaria is unlikely, but they need to do more tests tomorrow. So the result of me having the flu means staying home from work, canceling my plans, and resting. God does have a sense of humor.. doesn't He?

Day 4 back in the states

2009-07-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

I filled an entire journal from my 5.5 weeks in Uganda. I have trouble filling a journal in a year in the states. I read 5 books during my 5.5 weeks in Uganda. I have trouble reading 5 books in 6mos in the states. I learned about a culture, learned basic communication in a new language, I learned about diseases and health care in a third world country, I heard stories about peoples' lives that were so vastly different from anything I have ever experienced, I experienced intense discomfort in the physical and emotional realm, I saw beautiful green land, blue waterfalls, colorful flowers, fruits and vegetables, I walked for miles, I rode on the back of a motor bike for miles, I sat with 20+ other Africans in a crammed taxibus for miles, I listened to children's laughter and singing, I tasted the sweetness of mangoes, pineapples, papaya, sugar cane, jackfruit, and african tea... I laughed with new friends.
I already knew I struggled with American culture.. the hustle and bustle, selfishness, consumerism, excessiveness, pride, greed, etc. I fall into this lifestyle just like any of us that live here... I don't like it. I thought living in Uganda would suit my lifestyle better. I learned there are things in their culture that I struggle with just as much (i.e. passive aggressiveness, misperceptions of white people, poverty cycle/sense of hopelessness, not valuing children, contradictions in christianity, and messed up priorities (i.e. having a cell phone over sending your child to school). I'm seeing similarities in both cultures of the bad stuff... But there are good things in both cultures as well. I learned that we need to set ourselves apart from the culture of the place we're living. Instead we need to live well. Jesus is a fine example of this. He was a non-conformist.. yet he took the good from the culture he was in and used to glorify the Father, to serve the people, to love. I think Jesus was trying to create the anti-culture... or his own culture.. and he had quite a following. Unfortunately Christian culture today has been corrupted by our unfortunate human nature. I feel challenged to be set apart from our culture... to know Jesus better and follow His way.. However, I know I will fall short continuously.
I don't think I have a better grasp on the world from this experience. I came back being more confused and frustrated with the world. I don't understand how I can be so blessed and be born into a family that lives in America that provided me with education and fulfilled all my basic needs without a struggle.. and I see a country where EVERYONE seems to be fighting to fulfill basic needs of food, shelter, clothing.. and education is not readily available or accessible to them. What the heck.. how is that fair? How is that JUST? I know I know.. Life isn't fair, right? God is bigger than all of this... but I still don't get it or find comfort in any of it!

Anne Lamott writes in her book Thoughts on Faith, "But I actually knew a few true things: I had figured out that truth and freedom were pretty much the same. And that everyone was struggling to wake up, to be loved, and not feel so afraid all the time. That's what cars, degrees, booze, and drugs were about."
I resonated with that quote.. because although I saw huge differences between the people in Uganda compared to the people in the U.S. I found that we're fighting the same battle... we are all struggling to wake up, to be loved, and not feel so afraid all the time!.. and many of us (across cultures) fall to similar means to cope (cars, degrees, booze, and drugs).
Kathleen Norris said, "Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine."
My time in Uganda changed me in way I could not imagine. It reconnected me with prayer by providing me time to stop, sit, and listen. It gave me an opportunity to slow down, and taste and see what is around me. I am forever grateful and forever changed.

Week 5 in Uganda

2009-07-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

My hour long Mutato (taxi bus) ride in the morning to the village gives me some time to reflect. There are so many wonderful things about this country, but there are also sooo many frustrating things about this country. The frustrating things start to arise more and more now that I have departed from my initial honeymoon stage of being in Africa :)... but my relationships with people I have met here have gotten deeper and more invested, so it will be hard to leave this place... and some parts of this lifestyle.
I ask a lot of questions here... There is a lot I don't understand how something (traditions, attitudes, behaviors) came to be. I often hear, "It's the culture." I understand how some things are very cultural, but just because it's the culture doesn't mean it's right.... I feel that way so much in America with consumerism, vainity, materialism, etc. There are so many NGOs here in Uganda.. there are also U.S. military. I'm sure there is some good coming of this, but I am also not sure imposing Western culture is what Uganda can handle or needs right now. Systemically the government is corrupt, human rights are misunderstood, and there is a serious lack of education. The good thing is... that progress is being made.. accordingly to people who have been in this country a long time. I'm not sure what is working though.. I'm thinking it needs to be a top-down approach, more whole to part. Unfortunately, NGOs work mostly bottom-up, and part to whole. It's quite interesting to think about really. Here are a list of my frustrations... and I will counteract it with a list of joys because I can't stand being negative :)
Frustrations -
-sense of hopelessness from the spirit of poverty; the poverty cycle (ignorance -> <-poverty) -the pressure put on people who have a steady income to give it to people that don't -constantly being shouted and people trying to get my attention because I'm white, strangers approaching me, wanting to be my friends.. just because I am white. -not being able to go out in the evening because it's "not safe" -the perceptions of white people or westerners.. kids and adults many times will bow down on their knees to us.. especially in the villages -Prostitution is also not uncommon..... prostitutes are often used by men from oversees here working for the U.S. military or doing different construction projects. -Kids are often not valued like they are in the West. There are many of them all over, and the gain much responsibility at a young age. -HIV /Aids is prevalent.. it's very common, and the rates have actually increased this year. -Malaria is very common and prevalent as well, but people don't always take the urgency or can't afford to treat it right away -The hospitals are scary... you need to bring your own bed, food, etc.. and I'm not quite sure how much work is actually done there. -Schools lack resources, trained staff, and are overcrowded.. yet many can't afford to attend -Govenment, human rights, justice system is very corrupt.. and inefficient -pollution, littering, burning plastic, public urination is acceptable for men -Legalism in Christianity.. homosexuality is illegal.. you could get stoned -passive aggressive communication.. anti-conflict -lots of talk.. not a lot of do -->inefficiency.

Now for the JOYS :)
-simplicity
-hospitality, gratitude
-laughter, smiles, and hugs from children
-cost of living is cheap
-the food - chipatti, rice, beans.. fresh veggies grown locally - avocados! Delicious fruit.. mangoes, pineapple, papaya, bananas
-bicycles everywhere
-rides on motor bikes through the villages with the wind in your face
-green beauty, natural, rolling hills, trees, lakes, rivers, waterfalls
-colorful clothing, jewelry
-enthusiasm for Jesus
-People living by faith with so much trust
-a sense of adventure
-African Violets
-Using the resources they have.. being sustainable
-the sunsets, and the cool breeze

Ugandanisms

2009-06-27T01:49:00.000-07:00

Thought I would share some interesting cultural things that I have been experiencing while here in Uganda:
1. I am often the only white person when I ride the Mutatoo (taxi bus) to the village during the week, and that usually means that I am being stared at like an alien... and hearing "Muzungo (white foreigner)" amongst the others in their native language.
2. Taxi buses try and fit as many people in them as possible. There is a sign that says licensed to carry 14 passengers, and i would say there is an average of 21 people, 2 chickens, 10 pineapples, 2 babies, and 3 bags of rice in them.
3. Ugandans don't seem to have the personal space issue that American do.. this shows even in their driving, sitting, walking, talking.. because we get VERY close to most things moving and unmoving.
4. In their culture women's thighs are seen as something very sexual, and the breasts are seen as something maternal. It is not unusual to see women breast feeding out in the open, but it is VERY unheard of for a woman to wear a skirt that shows her thighs.
5. It is perfectly normal for 2 male friends to hold hands walking down the street, but it is not acceptable for a male and female couple to do so.
6. Most women and girls shave their heads here
7. White people are adored here. It's quite sad.. but they are all generalized as being wealthy and generous.. so most Ugandan men would like to marry a white woman, and children flock to us.
8. Women are expected to sit side saddle on a boda boda (motor bike taxi). Motor bike taxi's are also another demonstration of being very close to other people, because often 3 people plus children and bags are seen on one bike.
9. Lunch is typically after 2pm, and dinner is typically after 7pm. It is common for people to "take tea" with their meals
10. Hand washing is done so with a jug of water poured over your hands into a basin. Soap is becoming more of common thing here, but more rare in the villages.
11. The productivity and the efficiency of the work day here seems very slow compared to the U.S. it is much more laid back.. and people spend more time taking breaks and resting during the day (maybe because of the heat).
12. Money seems to be a topic of most conversations.. and it is usually about not wanting to spend the money or not having enough money to do something.
13. Confrontation and direct communication is not done. People tend to be more passive and avoid conflict
14. Is it viewed very bad here to drink alcohol if you are a Christian. The beer here is 8 or 9% as well. Christians are not seen out at bars either.
15. Ugandans seem to notice and recognize a white person. If you have introduced yourself to someone just briefly one time, they will remember your name and stop to greet you everytime they see you after that.
16. Everytime you see someone you know in town or at home, it is expected that you greet them for 2-3minutes with a hand shake and some small talk.
That's all for now.. more to come!

Cheers!

Two weeks Here

2009-06-25T08:25:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe I've been here almost 2 weeks! I'm very glad that
I am here for longer because I feel like I'm just starting to get used
to the culture, learning my way around, and getting used to heat and
schedule. I'm learning a little Luganda too. They do teach English in
school here, so educated people know English, but it can still be very
difficult to understand each other due to the dialect.

I've been spending my weekdays taking the taxibus to the village where
our office is. Then I go with a different guy from the Spring of Hope
team every day on home visits to different children with disabilities.
There we spend time educating their family on positioning, exercises,
and building adaptive equipment for them. I also have seen some kids
at the Spring of Hope office for appointments. They have a small
therapy room with a mat, standing frame, wedge, and some toys. I have
been writing about specific stories of children I've worked with on
the Spring of Hope blog. Here is the website: www.SpringOfHopeUganda.blogspot.com. It's crazy what kind of
things you can build with tree branches and banana leaf trees! I will
be updating this blog while I'm here, so feel free to revisit it to
read stories!

Last Friday I got the opportunity to visit an island out on Lake
Victoria for the day. I went with two of my housemates who are working
with different NGO projects, and the director of Youth with a Mission
in Uganda. There are people living on this island that have never seen
mainland. We had to very much "rough it." No running water,
electricity, and LOTS of bugs and bats! It was slightly uncomfortable
spending the night there, but it was very beautifuL! We hiked around
the whole island through different villages, jungles, and corn fields.
The people that live there live completely off the land! There is a
primary school already going there, a group is in the process of
starting a secondary school, and there is a medical clinic running on
the island. We got a chance to see little monkeys all around as well.
We also hiked up to the top of a hill at sunset, and it was gorgeous!

This past weekend was spent cooking good food with my housemates and
other friends I have met here, sharing laughs, and we also went
swimming, and to church again. I'm certainly enjoying my time here,
and learning sooo much.

Week One in Uganda

2009-06-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to send a quick update about my trip thus far. I arrived in Uganda on Wedneday Morning (Tuesday night in America). The journey was safe and quite easy. My body was a bit jet lagged on Wednesday, but I have since recovered!

For those of you who don't know I am volunteering with an NGO for the next 5 weeks that serves children with disabilities in rural villages in Uganda as an occupational therapist. Here is the website if you are interested: http://www.springofhope.org.uk/.

I took it easy on Wednesday, and began working on Thursday. I took a "boda boda" which a is a motor bike taxi into town, and then got on a taxibus to go to the village where the Spring of Hope office is. I worked with a Ugandan occupational therapist all day on Thursday. SOOO INTERESTING. I can't believe how different our jobs can be just due to the cultural differences. We saw several kids in the clinic there. One had quite severe Cerebral Palsy and the other had hydrocephalus (water in the brain). The grandmother of the child with cerebral palsy asked me if I thought her son will ever walk. WOW... hard to tell... in the US, he would be getting therapy since birth and would have accommodations like crutches, etc.. In Uganda, they don't have those resources. All the kids I've been seeing have been under the age of 3, which is new for me! I am used to the school aged kids, but the children are SOOO precious! I want to keep all of them. Teresha (the project manager) told me that Uganda is 200 years behind the West in terms of people with disabilities. Many parents reject their children and have no idea what to do with them. It's very sad, but this organization is doing a good job at trying to change the attitudes of people and advocating to get them into schools. On Friday, we had a clinic in another village. There 80 kids came with their moms! Moses (the Ugandan OT and I saw kids for about 4 hours straight). I had to work alongside him, so he could translate for me. Many children have epilepsy here which is caused by untreated Malaria. The clinic was partly to provide medication and education for them on epilepsy. Many parents of children with disabilities take their children to a witch doctor first to cure their child, and when they realize they are not being cured they come to us. It's very sad that these very poor people waste their money on a witch doctor- but that is the culture here.

Sorry it's getting a bit long.. so much to say! But I've been surrounded by Ugandans and Brits.. so that's been funny! Another medical student from Wisconsin arrived today, and a missionary from Oregon has been helping us, so it's been refreshing to have some fellow "Muzingas" (White foreigners) around! Although, I am really trying to dive into the culture and learn as much as I am while I am here. I have been eating good food.. lots of beans, rice, chiapatti (pita bread), fruit, etc. I was oriented on the town of Jinja yesterday morning, and spent the afternoon at the pool with Teresha and Marvey (an british girl staying at the base with me). That has been nice. Today (Sunday) I went for a run in the morning.. I had to wear pants (culturally here women aren't supposed to show their knees). It was hot! I also went to an international church, out to lunch, and played mini golf! I met an Austrailian at church that was so happy to meet an American Christian who voted for Obama.. I assured him that there are many of us! Ha!

Pictures included are: my two housemates, Marvee (from the UK) and Jonathan (Wisconsin) and I at the Barazza resort on the Nile River one night, two pictures of the therapy room at the Spring of Hope Office in Kangulumira, and a picture of some of us Muzungu's playing mini golf (or crazy golf).

Trusting.

2009-05-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for Uganda in a little over a week. I'm often asked about how I'm feeling about it, and I struggle with putting the answer to words. I'm certainly excited, and definitely a little nervous- but if I am being completely honest, it feels right to me. It's something that I need to do. For some reason the word obedience comes to mind. I'm excited because it's new and I know it's going to rock me. I'm nervous because I'll be alone and there are many unknowns. But when it comes down to it... I'm trusting that the Lord has me right where He wants me in life- and I couldn't be happier about it!

Scattered

2009-05-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

Once again... I am brought back to the only solid stable thing in my life... My relationship with Christ. I've reached a point of being overwhelmed, stressed and scattered. When this happens, my first instinct is to run away and escape. I'm not sure if I'm READY to be in Africa for six weeks, but I strongly feel like that's where I NEED to be right now... I need to be AWAY from the hustle and bustle of this crazy place. I need to be AWAY from relationships that I seem to be constantly discouraged by. I need to be AWAY from the expectations I put on myself, on people, on life. I need to BE alone, in solitude, in peace... with my Maker.

Don't get me wrong... I feel very blessed.. constantly. The Lord has placed so many wonderful people and experiences in my life thus far. I am overwhelmed by what I've been learned this year. I think the constant questioning of how to live life better, how to love people better.. and constantly falling short.. has been the discouraging piece. I know there is GRACE in this process, which encourages me... BUT I need to get to the place where I can accept this grace, and move on to the shaping, growing, and learning process again. Being in Africa for 6 weeks is exciting to me because I will be all alone in an unknown unfamiliar world... FORCING me to rely on my SAVIOR- not my brothers and sisters around me. I have faith that it will be an experience that can get back on track, an experience that will mold me, an experience that will add to how to my learning about how to LIVE life better.

God is constantly pouring his love out on humanity.. and WE are constantly resisting it! I need to let go and allow myself to be PURSUED by HIM...

Same kind of different as me

2009-04-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

I recently read this book. It's a very touching story.. and actually true. It's about a wealthy art dealer who befriended a homeless man with the encouragement of his wife. Both the art dealer and the homeless man wrote the book together... and I tell you.. It's amazing to read both parts, but the art dealer was seriously transformed and changed through this friendship. It has caused me to sit back and evaluate some of the friendships in my own life. I have been changed by many of them, but I am also eager to start new relationships with people very different than me. There is still so much in our lives to learn. We are ever changing, growing, evolving people. One thing that stuck out to me in the most in this story is that Ron (the wealthy art dealer) at one point of their friendship realized and said that he was ashamed that he ever thought of himself as better than Denver (the homeless man). I think we can so easily get in this mind set when doing service of thinking we are great because we are helping these people. I know have definitely fallen into that trap. The thing is... These people are actually helping us. And the service we are doing is not at all because we are great... it's because He is great... Thanks be to God. I pray that I am constantly reminded of this!

glass half full

2009-04-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

My glass seems to be half full lately. I would say I'm a pretty optimistic person in general, but I think the nice weather lately gives me an extra burst of JOY! I'm really thankful for the people in my life. I'm eager to see where life takes me, but I'm enjoying living in the NOW. Thanks to you for being in my life and for loving me well. Amen.

An alternative Easter

2009-04-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

Today was probably one of the first Easter Sundays that I didn't step into a "church building." However, today was one of the most memorable Easter celebrations that I have ever had. A group of people gathered together at our pastor's house today with the focus of really REJOICING in the resurrection. What a joyous day in which I can reflect on how my life is transformed because Jesus died on the cross for me. The importance of this day was to celebrate with the people I have been living life with. I am transformed because of what Jesus did and who Jesus is! I need Easter to be a daily thing. I need reminders of why I choose to serve and to live life in this way. I need people to live life with and challenge me. I need people to ask me hard questions and to ask hard questions to. I need to live in His kingdom daily. Let's participate in it together, shall we?

N.T. Wright, from Surprised by Hope:

Insofar as the [resurrection] is interpreted in [the New Testament], it has a very "this-worldly" meaning, relating to what is happening here and now. "Jesus is raised," [the apostles] say, "therefore he is the Messiah; he is the true Lord of the whole world; therefore we, his followers, have a job to do; we must act as his heralds, announcing his lordship to the entire world." It is not, "Jesus is raised, therefore look up into the sky and keep looking because one day you will be going there with him." Many hymns, prayers, and Christian sermons have tried to pull the Easter story in that direction, but the line of thought within the Gospels themselves is, "Jesus is raised, therefore God's new world has begun, and therefore we, you, and everybody else are invited to be not only beneficiaries of that new world but participants in making it happen."

Uganda!!

2009-04-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

So I am starting to feel like this is official! I have made my travel arrangements to go to Uganda for 5 weeks this summer to volunteer as an Occupational Therapist for Spring of Hope Ministries. Words cannot express the excitement and nervousness I am feeling. I will fly out of Chicago on June 8th and return to Chicago on July 15th. So much to think about and prepare.... It's going to be good stuff though :0.

Spring Break....!

2009-04-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got to hang out with some college friends in the mountains. There was good snow, good company, fun skiing, great food, and awesome conversations. It's interesting how you never really finish getting to know someone. Humans are such fluid beings, ever changing, growing, learning... Even if you spend everyday with someone, there still seems to be new things to learn about them. That makes life so interesting. It also encourages me never become complacent with my conversations with others.. especially people I've known for years. So continue to dig deeper and ask those hard questions.. you'll be surprised what you hear.

A Day at the park

2009-03-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

Last September, I had no idea what I was in for. I went through a training to mentor a refugee family from Burma. I can tell you that no training can prepare someone adequately. This family fled from political persecution, waited in a refugee camp in Thailand for 5 years while experiencing mistreatment, all to come to the United States... a new, scary place, where they don't know the language, and can't get a job due to the current economic situation, and they don't get their food stamps in time because the system is so backed up, they don't know where to go to reapply for Medicaid because their case worker doesn't call them back because she works with 200 other families... At refugee camps, America is viewed as this Treasure, where there is opportunity and money. This is true.. there is wealth and opportunity in America, but no one told them that it is not equally distributed.. and it was going to be this Hard!

This family has been a blessing to me. The kids have this innocence about them that makes them so precious. Life hasn't been easy for them, but they don't know anything different. They embrace life. They continue living life.. and they smile doing it.

Today we went to the park. Something I took for granted growing up in the suburbs... For them it was a totally new experience. They were interacting with new people in a new environment.

My hope for them would be that America would be about opportunity for them. They are already getting an education. My hope is that they feel loved and cared about in a world that sometimes forgets the importance of that.
Sometimes I wonder if I am helping this family at all. I feel just as clueless in this world. I do know that I am a changed person from 6 months ago. I have learned about culture, about the world, about poverty, about governmental systems, about life, about religions, about health care, ..... And I have learned what a blessed life I live. I am grateful.

St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

Essentially this holiday seems to be a drinking holiday (at least in the US). I've always enjoyed the holiday mostly from growing up in Chicago and seeing the different traditions like dying the river green, watching parades on tv, and wearing green. Our house decided it was a good idea to throw a party.. mostly because we may have to move out soon, and it was a good excuse for everyone to get together. So... I think we invited almost everyone we knew in Denver to come to our house on a school night. It was a blast. We had around 70 people there.. all random... friends, co-workers, neighbors, people we went to church with, friends of friends, family members of friends, etc. It was a bit overwhelming... but a wonderful excuse to get together. So, thank you St. Patrick for this holiday you have started. I'm thinking about making it a new tradition! (pictured is my roommate, Laura with our neighbors Jim & Dave).

National Sports Center for the Disabled

2009-02-05T14:43:00.000-08:00

I was able to take a day of work to go skiing with my middle school students. They went up to Winter Park to take ski lessons with the National Sports Center for the Disabled 3 times this winter. It was so fun to watch them! Some of them really improved after a course of 3 sessions. They all got excited about it too! It's amazing what a little technology, and creative people can come up with to help people with disabilities ski. The girl you see above is blind and non-ambulatory (does not walk). She was going on the chair lift, skiing blues, and even the terrain park! She used her body weight to shift from one side to the other to stay up while someone was behind her with the reigns. She had a blast!
With some of my middle school buddies eating lunch on our break from skiing.
Taking the magic carpet up to the top of the hill. Each of the students had 1-2 volunteers that skiied with them and taught them all day. It's a great program!

Precious.
The whole group.

One of my students making it down the hill, doing great!
Another one coming down. He loved it!

Opportunities like these choke me up. It really shows me how limitless God is to see what these kids are capable, and the joy they get from it. I am so grateful to be in a job that reveals this joy often!

Equality.

2009-01-20T18:54:00.000-08:00

Today was a historical day. Barack Obama was sworn in as America's first African-American president. However, I don't feel that Barack's identity is his skin color of even where his ancestors are from. I feel blessed to have grown up in an era and part of the country where racism was not okay. I feel blessed to have been raised by parents who are open minded and accepting of all people. It's a powerful thing to think that 60 years ago there are many restaurants that wouldn't even serve Barack Obama for a meal, and now he is serving as our country's 44th president. If times can change that much in 60 years, it excites me think of the next 60.

Something Obama said in his inauguration speech, hit me hard. He said:

"We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are EQUAL, all our free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

WOW. Seriously. WOW. How blessed are we to live in a nation without religious persecution... with a leader who believes in equality and opportunities and freedom for all. I know he is only a man... and he can only do some much as a president. But as a Christian, I am reminded that Jesus also believed in equality and commanded us to treat all people with love. Although I struggle mixing church and state. I am encouraged when there is parallel between them.

I realize nothing will change overnight and that there are still many problems in our fallen world, but I am optimistic for the future.

The mystery of God.

2009-01-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

In a world so focused on answers and the development of science and technology to give us more certainty and create cures for diseases, have we grown uncomfortable with they mystery of God? Don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by technology and feel blessed to live in a time and place with such advancements made in medicine. I also get frustrated when people ask me questions about my faith in Jesus Christ that I cannot answer. I think I need to be better at saying, "I don't know," and that's ok. I don't know why homosexuality is frowned upon in the bible, yet I believe that it is not always a choice to be gay. I don't know when a conceived child is considered a human being, and I definitely don't feel like I have the authority to make that judgment. I don't know how God feels about war, and if he feels like it is a necessary solution sometimes. I don't know why some people suffer with mental illness and physical illness and some people don't. I don't know why people make decisions that directly impact and hurt others, and have no idea they are doing so.

My pastor brought up a great point last night about what we believe. Why do we focus so much on what we don't know and what we disagree with. Why do we when someone asks us the difference between one denomination and the next, we focus on the things of the other denomination that we disagree with. I want to be better about saying, "I don't know what someone else believes, but I believe this..." Or I'm not sure on how I feel about that particular issue, but I do know that God is the ultimate judge, and it is not my place to make judgement on that.

This is what I do know: Love is talked about in the bible more than any other issue! Jesus showed us what true and perfect love looks like. He showed us how to live through justice, kindness, and humility. I do know He died for me. I do know that the Holy Spirit tugs on my heart daily, and I feel challenged to learn more and live more like Jesus. I do know I fall short. I do know that humans are not even close to being perfect, but I do know God is perfect. And He offers abundant life. And I do know I want that Abundant life. I do know I want others to want that abundant life. I do know that I want to make the world a better place even though I'm not sure how it got here. And I do know the foundation for that desire is Jesus Christ. I do know that I fall short daily, that I judge others that I have no right to judge, that I don't have my priorities right, that I can be selfish, that I lose my patience.. and the list goes on. But I also know that by the grace of God, I am forgiven. And that is a powerful thing.

Community. \kə-ˈmyü-nə-tē\

2008-12-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

This past year, the Lord has really opened my eyes to the value of being in community. He has informed me, taught me, stretched me, challenged me, and surrounded me with people. It's been good, yet overwhelming. I have come to this point where I have a very strong desire to live in community and also to live more simply (I'm not there). At one point this summer, I said to my best friend when sitting on a plane next me, that I just want to live in this house with people who deeply desire the same thing as I do and to live the same way as I do. She spoke some truth to me. Wouldn't life be great, if that was the case? But really- Christ calls us to live in community with people who aren't exactly like us and don't desire the same as us... Duh! That's why life is supposed to be uncomfortable and challenging because we were all made and wired so differently- BUT we were ALL made in the image of God- who is in community with Father, Son & Holy Spirit.

Right now, I find myself intertwined with many different communities. I have community at work, but even that branches in many directions because I work at 7 different schools, and also meet with other therapists. I have community in my neighborhood. I'm writing this after spending the evening at my block's progressive holiday party. I have community among friends in women's bible study, and I have a newly formed community with a house church in my neighborhood that I have started going to. Not to mention, I have communities in other areas (i.e. my family in Illinois, my college friends, my high school friends, my grad school/fort collins friends). I enjoy all groups and learn from each of them. But I find myself wondering if I'm spread too thin, and if we're meant to have community in this tight-knit, intimate, intentional way. I don't know the answer. I think it would be great if I lived in the neighborhood that I worked in. And went to church in the neighborhood I lived in (I do that now, but not all of us live in that neighborhood). And studied the bible and shared meals with my next door neighbors and prayed for their most difficult struggles. And served the poor in the direct community I lived in with my immediate neighbors.

I wonder too if I'm supposed to be spreading the love of Christ in many different places (like a mustard seed, perhaps). Jesus' ministry wasn't just in one neighborhood. Yet, I do feel one can be more effective and bear more fruit if time and energy was invested in one area.

I think my desires relate more to getting a glimpse of heaven here on Earth. As Christians, we can very much make an impact and move in this direction. We can't do it alone (hence the community piece).

Merriam-Webster has some definitions of community that I find interesting: 1) a unified body of individuals- I like this one! 2) people with common interests living in a particular area - I agree we need common interests, but we also need differences and to have a myriad of gifts to bring to the group. 3) society at large - hmmm. Certainly not in America (my opinion). 4) A joint ownership or participation - I like the word participation in this definition. It's nice to be apart of a community because that sense of belonging is fulfilled- But the community can not be effective without active participation!

Nancy Ortberg writes in her book Looking for God, "Community is one of the most powerful concepts in the Bible. Genesis begins with it and Revelations closes with it." She goes on to say, "Community is where we learn the truth about ourselves, where we are deeply loved, where walls are broken down, and where people who are usually excluded are included." I love this definition. Think about how different our world would be if we were INCLUSIVE people. If we automatically flocked to people who were different than us and made us feel uncomfortable. I think our communities would look a lot like Jesus' ministry. In this chapter, Nancy Ortberg talks about using the pronoun, we. In using, we, it moves the focus off of ourselves and onto the bigger picture of others. It's a powerful thing to make our understanding of community parallel with what God's vision of community is. His Kingdom is vast and inclusive. It represents people from all walks of life. It's a huge party, that we will one day experience -- OR we could choose to experience it now, here on Earth.

I'm excited to see where the Lord takes me on this journey, but I'm more excited to journey with people, learn from them, be challenged by them, serve with them, love with them, struggle with them, and celebrate with them!

Strip it all away.

2008-11-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

Thinking about religion gives me a headache. There are so many issues, doctrines, traditions, values, interpretations, denominations, etc. There also seems be certain language that goes along with being a "Christian." What does it mean to "be saved" or to "accept christ into my heart" or even being a "christian." When it comes down to it, I hope that history repeats itself, so that we can return the beginning. The newness and our foundation where our faith started from. My hope is that we can lose the distractions that make us miss the real deal. When we strip all that away, we can find that Christ calls us to love people and follow Him. I desire my faith to be as simple as that.

Encouraged!

2008-11-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

This was a great weekend for many reasons. The Lord really helped me to refocus. I was reminded a time in my life when I didn't know Christ, and how difficult life was. Feelings of depression, low self-worth/self-esteem, bad relationships were constantly dealt with. How does Christ make us different? He has most definitely given me a purpose, an identity, something to live for. I think as Christians we really need to take time to encourage each other with what we see God doing! That's what makes our faith stronger.. when we have some reassurance that He's really doing AMAZING things.

I was encouraged this weekend to hear the stories of some peoples' lives. To hear stories of God's perfect timing is such a powerful thing. I think I tend to do relationships differently than most people. God has made me completely uncomfortable and unable to do superficial/fake relationships. I am constantly hungry to get to know people on a deeper level and what makes a person who they are! I was discouraged for a little bit this weekend because I learned how resistive people are to relationships like that. Vulnerability can be such a scary and uncomfortable thing. I feel the need to continue to ask people hard questions- If we never do, then people become too comfortable in this superficial life. GO Deep or go home :).

I was also encouraged by people in the house church I have been going to. They share this desire to serve and seem to be very proactive about. We realize we are very ignorant and uninformed about certain issues regarding poverty, but instead of being passive- I felt challenged tonight to really do my research. Social Justice is so much more than caring for the poor. It's really about EMPOWERMENT. How can we look at this cycle of poverty and stop it before it starts or stop it from being something that is easy to fall back into. I don't have the answers, but I know that instead of doing the easy thing like writing a check- We may need to step up and actually invest in people. Time is so valuable and when we work 40-60 hours/week.. our free time is even more precious. Mother Theresa amazed me because she had the strength to do this on her own and empower other people. I would love to be a part of community of believers that does this together and encourages each other along the way. I really desire to find my own "Calcutta" and really be Jesus' hands and feet to make a little Heaven here on Earth. I think I have started to get there, but there comes a time where we stop talking/typing about it and get out there and do it. I think we need community and people inn our lives to challenge us to do so. I am grateful for the Lord for providing that for me.

discouraged...

2008-11-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

Why is it when we're discouraged and frustrated, we really yearn for the people that know us the best? Our family, our long time friends? It's crazy how they have this comforting affect 0n us! Today I really yearned for some of those people, but none of them are physically near me. I think God has a sneaky way of getting me to lean on him. He is enough, but I am also grateful for Him providing me with people that love me and encourage me. No matter what we're going through, He understands... and that is so powerful. So why do we seek the consult of others before going straight to the the BIG GUY? Sometimes it's the physicality or the audible voice of a person that I really crave. I really just wish that Jesus would come back tonight, sit on my porch swing with me, listen to my woes, rub my back, and offer me comforting words of wisdom. But what is blind faith when we can see and hear what we believe in all the time?

We are FAMILY!

2008-10-30T21:47:00.001-07:00

I had a wonderful girls weekend with my mom and my sister in Breckenridge! Who knew you can vacation less than 2 hours away from home? I needed some quality time with them. They also love me and know me well despite all of our differences! God is good. There are times I feel guilty for living so far from home because I know my family wishes I were back in Illinois. However, I really feel like my relationships with my family have blossomed so much since moving away. Our time together now is so intentional and real. It's not taken for granted. It's a beautiful thing.

Being truly known

2008-10-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

I am blessed. There are people in my life that know me so well and love me so well. Those people have seen me at my worst, at my best, through all parts of this crazy spiritual journey I've been on. Thank you for journeying with me. Thank you loving me.

(Not pictured: Joshy)

Hiking Mt. Bierstadt & the Aspens in Georgetown

2008-10-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Entitlement

2008-09-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm in this season of life of feeling very undeserving. I also struggle with this notion of having expectations on people and things in this life. After singing this song at church today, it seemed to be almost the answer to my heart:

"Why should I gain from his reward? I do not have an answer. But this I know with all my heart. His wounds have paid my ransom."

I know my reservations of having expectations on people and things in this life has rooted from being hurt or let down in the past. We can't put our faith in people because we are all sinners and we ALL fall short and constantly disappoint each other and ourselves. But we do need to hold our Christian brothers and sisters at a higher standard. Sometimes I think I am holding my brothers and sisters , and myself at too high of standard. I guess what I struggle with is not having this feeling of judgement when my Christian brothers and sisters fall short of that standard or an intense feeling of guilt when I fall short. How do we instead act prayerful and approach them in love with what we are disappointed with. That's what Jesus would simply do. But our human nature seems to automatically go into this mode of judgement upon them. It is not our job or responsibility to do this. It's frustrating for me. I think where I've gotten myself is when I put people up on pedestals (i.e. pastors, friends, family, politicians, people in leadership, etc.). Jesus chose His disciples to follow him and and more importantly spread His good news, and we see that even they fell short. Jesus knew they would fall short, but he did hold them to a standard and had expectations of them upon choosing them in the role of a disciple. We need to take up our cross... and follow Jesus... no one else.. just Jesus. I think this is going to be a constant battle in our walks.

I want to be able to trust others. But I also want to be so careful that I never put another human being over my relationship with Jesus. I find my security in Him. I have Christ and that is ALL I need- I am not entitled to anything else in this world. But as Americans, we really do feel like we deserve so much "The American Dream." Is the American Dream biblical?

I'm having lots of random thoughts. More importantly, I'm hungry for intense community. I need to be better about asking people more intentional questions. I realized today that I do not know the stories of the girls in my bible study. I don't know their biggest struggles. I don't know how they met Christ. I don't know all their gifts. What the heck am I doing. We are with our Christian brothers and sisters daily, but do we even truly know them? Why don't we let people in? Who truly knows us? Is it enough knowing that only God truly knows us- or do we need to be truly known by those in our community? What does it mean to be truly known by someone. I have this picture of Adam and Eve stripped naked in the Garden of Eden. Isn't that our worst fear? Standing before each other with all our imperfections, insecurities, and secrets revealed. Wow, how different life would be if we literally wore our hearts on our sleeves. I agree that it takes time to form an intense community. But I feel like I need to be more proactive, more intentional in order to get there- because if I keep living my life like this, I'm not sure I will ever get there.

I will pray for boldness in that, but in the meantime... I will rest in this:

"Why should I gain from his reward? I do not have an answer. But this I know with all my heart. His wounds have paid my ransom."

Recent Meditations/learning/inspirations

2008-07-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

"We must all become prophets. I really mean that. We must all do something for peace. We must stop this insanity of worshipping the gods of metal. We must take a stand against evil and idolatry. This is our destiny at the most critical time of human history. But it's also the greatest opportunity ever offered to any group of people in the history of our world- to save our world from complete annihilation." -Father Zabelka (speech at Pax Christi, August 1985).

"My first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man. My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood. It's to a King and a Kingdom." -Derek Webb

I yearn to be apart of a prophetic community that will hear the cries of our neighbors- And love them with the peace, justice, and mercy that Jesus does. God hears the cries of all people (Luke 7.11-13)

"My political affiliation is The Kingdom of God." -MLK, jr.

We are the temple of God. We are no longer ordinary. WE become the place where heaven is crashing in on Earth.. Choose Life. (Ephesians 2:19-24)

We're to love our enemy- not as a strategy- but because that is the way God is!

Hiking Mt. Yale

2008-06-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

Crested Butte

2008-06-28T09:54:00.001-07:00

Hiking in Manitou Springs

2008-06-01T22:03:00.000-07:00