A tribute to my sweet sweet Gram!

This year has been a rough one for sure. I lost two very special people in the span of 6 days this January. My dear uncle Jeff lost his battle with cancer on his 60th Birthday, January 11, 2014. 6 days later I held his mother's hand (my gram) as she passed away to join her son and husband in the heavenly gates above. Shock, sadness, anxiety, pain, and sickness overcame me this winter. I was not ready for these people to leave this earth. I'm getting married in June, and I want them both to be there more than anything. I miss them. I hurt for my dad and my aunt who lost their brother and mother in the same week, for my cousins who lost their dad and grandma in the same week, for my aunt who lost her soul mate and best friend. Life doesn't seem so fair sometime, but what I do know is that they both died peacefully, surrounded by those who loved them.

The hardest thing with grief is addressing it for me. Sitting in it, letting it consume me, giving a real good cry.... letting my friends, family, and fiancé' console me. At my grandma's funeral, all of her grandkids spoke, and so I wanted to more than anything hold it together and show my family how strong I can be. As soon as I got back to Denver, I lost it. I didn't let myself grieve for my grandma yet. The grief for my grandma and uncle Jeff has been an ongoing process. I still get reminded of them sometimes, and lose it. Little things remind me of them, and I start to cry. Everyone seems to handle grief in different ways. I don't know what way is right because none of it feels 'good.' All I know is that I want to continue to remember them in great ways and spend time with my family members grieving to reminisce about the great times we had together, and be open with family and friends about how I am doing, and spend time in solitude reflecting about them. I was able to write this about my grandma that my cousins and I shared at her memorial that helped me to process and grieve a little bit:
It seems like just yesterday that we were all standing together at Grandpa's funeral listing off the Top 10 Things our Grandpa taught us. I think about that speech often and how proud of all us he was and is. It only seems appropriate and fitting that we celebrate Grandma's life by sharing all the wonderful and funny things we have learned from how she lived her life. So here it goes.. The top 10 things that our Grandma taught us.
1) You are never too old to continue learning: Grandma took community college classes in her 60s. She learned piano, and was always informed with what was going on in the world. She always read the newspaper and often would clip out articles and send them to us. She loved to read and was part of a book club until the end of her life. 
2) Travel where it's warm each winter. Our grandparents loved to vacation in warm weather and be out by the pool in the summer time. Especially after this horrible winter, we should all take their example and escape to a warmer climate for a little bit. 

3) It's okay to let a few 'four letter words' slip during a friendly game of UNO, even if you are in the presence of children or your young grandchildren. Grandma was so much fun to play games with and she was never afraid to share what she was thinking without much filtering. 

4) Take pride in who you are and what you look like by taking care of yourself. Grandma always made the time to get her hair done, and Grandpa really helped her pick out some classy outfits. Grandma had a self-confidence about her that was so appealing and always classy. Her confidence even showed when she was singing hymns at church. We always loved sitting next to her during Christmas Eve church services so we can hear her proud singing voice.
5) We used this one for our Grandpa's memorial 3 years ago, but we think this applies even more so to Grandma.. "It's 5'O'clock somewhere." Our Grandparents enjoyed cocktail hour, and Gram liked her vodka Martini, but I think they mostly enjoyed the routine of time with one another. 

6) Keeping a fully stocked jar of M&Ms in your place will make sure your grandkids (and kids) keep coming over to your house to spend time with you. Grandma's M&M jar was always the highlight of our trips grandma and grandpas as young kids, but actually we took advantage of the M&M jar as older kids and adults too! (Bekka)

7) Always take time to celebrate occasions with the ones you love. Grandma's laugh is so memorable- it was loud and full of life. She was always happy during family gatherings and and her laugh had a way of making its way into any conversation or gathering.  

8) Loyal friendships really make life so much better. Grandma and Grandpa were very social people and had some really long lasting friendships. They were very loyal friends, and really valued having those relationships
9) It's ok if have a crush on a professional golfer, even if you're happily married. Grandma loved Phil Mickelson, and really enjoyed watching him play golf- and Grandpa didn't seem to be bothered by this harmless crush.
10) Take care of those you love. Grandma loved all of us so much, and from what our parents have told us, she took such good care of them as kids too. Grandma especially took amazing care of our grandpa. She really helped him as his diabetes got worse and always seemed to put taking care of him and others before herself. She was truly a beautiful woman inside and out and we can only hope to be half to grandparent she was to us one day. We love you so much Gram, and are so thankful for the woman you are, and all of the fun times we've had together. 

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