Scattered


Once again... I am brought back to the only solid stable thing in my life... My relationship with Christ. I've reached a point of being overwhelmed, stressed and scattered. When this happens, my first instinct is to run away and escape. I'm not sure if I'm READY to be in Africa for six weeks, but I strongly feel like that's where I NEED to be right now... I need to be AWAY from the hustle and bustle of this crazy place. I need to be AWAY from relationships that I seem to be constantly discouraged by. I need to be AWAY from the expectations I put on myself, on people, on life. I need to BE alone, in solitude, in peace... with my Maker.

Don't get me wrong... I feel very blessed.. constantly. The Lord has placed so many wonderful people and experiences in my life thus far. I am overwhelmed by what I've been learned this year. I think the constant questioning of how to live life better, how to love people better.. and constantly falling short.. has been the discouraging piece. I know there is GRACE in this process, which encourages me... BUT I need to get to the place where I can accept this grace, and move on to the shaping, growing, and learning process again. Being in Africa for 6 weeks is exciting to me because I will be all alone in an unknown unfamiliar world... FORCING me to rely on my SAVIOR- not my brothers and sisters around me. I have faith that it will be an experience that can get back on track, an experience that will mold me, an experience that will add to how to my learning about how to LIVE life better.

God is constantly pouring his love out on humanity.. and WE are constantly resisting it! I need to let go and allow myself to be PURSUED by HIM...

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